Eventually, the best thing I did for myself was to let go and let God.

09/25/2017 .
Kimberly Burks

If you had asked me in my 20s how I would feel if I was in my mid-40s, never married and had no children, I would have said “just shoot me!” My friends and I used to go out and see single women who are around my age now and think: how sad, I hope that’s not me someday. Yet, here I am at 45 and I never would have imagined that I would be in a position that was so horrifying to me at 24. My life plan included marriage and children by the time I was 30. Well, that never happened and, guess what? It’s ok.

Sometimes our plans and God’s plans just don’t align, especially when we try to control everything. Don’t get me wrong, I was not happy that God’s plan didn’t include a husband and children for me. I often wondered what I did wrong, why He was punishing me, and what could I do to make it happen. Eventually, the best thing I did for myself was to let go and let God.

 About three years ago I was in a place of being unsatisfied with my walk with God, my involvement at church, and my level of happiness as a single woman. I knew I needed to make some changes in order to get to the place I wanted to be. I wanted to be healthy, closer to God and more involved at church. I hoped that at some point I would meet a great Christian man. I knew I had to be healthy myself to be in a healthy relationship someday, so I stepped out of my comfort zone and registered for a Singles event at Saddleback.

It was a half day seminar with author Debra Fileta about her book, True Love Dates. I got the book and read it so I would be prepared. I went to the event that June morning a little nervous, since I wouldn’t know anyone and didn’t know what to expect. By the first break, I had made a new friend. By the end of the event, I had plans to attend the accompanying group bible study. Again, I was a little nervous to show up to the bible study, sit with a bunch of people I didn’t know and get involved. Fortunately, my table leader was a very friendly and welcoming woman who helped us all connect. I was starting to feel more comfortable and wanted to continue with the study, especially if it meant making new friends at church.

 This was the start of a three year journey that has brought me to where I am today. Reading Debra Fileta’s book about Godly dating, spending more time in the Word, meeting new friends, volunteering at church, taking classes 101-401, hosting a small group, and becoming a part of the Singles Ministry leadership team has helped me in so many ways. If I hadn’t taken a step of faith that June morning, I don’t think I’d be where I am at today. I have a new outlook on friendships, on dating relationships, and on my walk with God. I know the best way for me to be a happy single, is to be a healthy single, and guess what, being single isn’t so bad. I am in the best place I have ever been in my life and I am having so much fun!

Singleness doesn’t have to equal loneliness, boring nights at home, going out with people you’re not sure about, or being upset with God because He hasn’t brought you your spouse. What it can equal is relying on God, having a strong faith that He has His best in mind for you, getting involved at church and in ministry, doing things you love to do, working on yourself to be the best version of you, and building lasting friendships. These are the best ways to enjoy your life being single, however long that is. God knows our heart’s desires. He knows what’s best for us. Let’s trust Him to do His work in us while we do our part to have faith in Him and work on ourselves. I promise, it works!

 Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Really, the bottom line is nothing will complete us other than God. When we have faith and let God be in control, He will take care of us and we will be at our best. Besides, what is more attractive to the opposite sex than a happy, healthy, confident person who radiates God’s love?