Have a mentor. Be a mentor.
06/02/2017 .Laura and Joy have an apparent bond. They finish each other’s sentences and laugh generously when they are together. Their friendship wasn’t always this effortless. It took time for them to build a foundation of trust and openness.
Laura was in high school when she met Joy; Joy was her Life Group leader. As Joy explored this leadership role by reaching out to the girls in her group to play a more active role in their lives. Laura and Joy instantly connected. Joy saw this as an opportunity to pour into Laura as a mentor. “There was this natural connection. It never felt forced and Laura was open and reached back out,“ Joy remembers.
As the years went by Joy moved ministries and Laura moved away to college. They remained in touch and Joy mentored Laura as she navigated college life. Even though they were far apart, Laura always knew that Joy was a safe place to turn to bring her questions, stress, and especially on those tough days when she needed a bit of extra encouragement. When Laura returned home from college their mentor/mentee relationship evolved into a friendship which continued to deepen over time and coffee dates. When Laura got married she asked Joy to be a bridesmaid. Laura couldn’t imagine her wedding day without Joy by her side.
Curious how their mentorship relationship was so successful, I asked them to coffee to share with our Saddleback women some tips and tools for their mentoring relationships. They were kind enough to offer valuable tips from the perspective of a mentor and a mentee whose relationship has spawned over a decade. If you are mentoring or looking for a mentor, you need to read this.
Tips for the Mentor
DON’T WAIT
Joy shared, “If you wait until you are ready, you won’t become a mentor. We don’t need perfect mentors. We just need people willing to show up. Laura added, “We (young women) crave and need other Christian women we can look up to.”
DON’T TRY TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS
“Point your mentee back to Christ. Avoid impulse quick fixes and don’t chastise bad choices.” Laura shared. “Joy helped me to develop discernment and to make my own choices by pointing me back to Scripture. When I made poor decisions she never condoned it but she also didn’t judge me. I found acceptance and loving accountability and that made me want to change and turn back to Christ’s path for my life.”
MENTORING IS MOSTLY ABOUT DOING LIFE TOGETHER
Joy learned that you have to let God be God and just be present. Laura was able to let her guard down as Joy gave her the most valuable gift of all, her time. She made sure to meet face to face and show up for Laura when she needed her. She did what Laura liked to do and made sure that their relationship wasn’t reduced to texts and emails.
DON’T PRETEND TO BE PERFECT
As a mentor, Joy had to discern how much to share with Laura. God guided her in letting the relationship grow naturally and prompting her to share things about herself when the time was right. She learned to share without pretending she had it all together. No one can relate to perfection.
ASK HARD QUESTIONS
A mentor’s job is not just to listen but to spur her mentee on towards a closer relationship with Christ. Hard questions can be uncomfortable but this is where the real growth happens.
Tips for the Mentee
DON’T WAIT FOR A CRISIS TO FIND A MENTOR
Joy and Laura both agreed that a big reason their mentoring relationship has been fruitful is because they continue to build on their history. They know and trust each other so when crisis situations arise Joy knows how to support Laura.
A MENTOR IS DIFFERENT FROM A MOM OR FRIEND
Laura wisely shared, “Your friends, your peers, won’t have all the answers, you need someone who has already gone through the life stage you are in. She just needs to be one step ahead of you. No one’s parents are perfect and aren’t always easy to talk to. Developing relationships outside your immediate family is part of maturing. It's good to have a godly woman that you can bring your problems and questions to that will encourage you and point you back to Scripture. A mentor’s primary role is to encourage her Mentee to seek God’s best for her life. A mentor doesn’t take the place of family and friends - they simply enrich your life.”
BE HONEST AND FORTHCOMING
It can be hard to admit your faults. Being accountable can be difficult. But if you want to get the most out of your mentor relationship and if you want to grow as a person you will need to have the faith to trust your mentor.
Tips for Both
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE FOR FOREVER
Not all mentoring relationships will develop into lifelong friendships and that’s OK. Some mentors are just for a season or for growth in a certain area. It’s not a failure if it doesn’t last.
JUST DO IT.
Nuff said. Being both a Mentor and a Mentee is so rewarding. Both of you will grow in incredible ways. If you would like more information about finding a mentor or becoming a mentor, email roomatthetable@saddleback.com (You just may hear back from Laura who now helps lead the Saddleback Women’s Mentorship Ministry.) Have a mentor. Be a mentor.