On Becoming the Heroine of Your Own Story
01/23/2018 ..
“What’s wrong, honey?” Somehow she always noticed that faint quiver in my voice when something was upsetting me. It didn’t matter if we were face-to-face or talking over the phone. Ardis just knew.
I can’t tell you the first time we met, but what struck me the most was how she always spoke in a voice steeped with the warmest grace. She was bright and beautiful, but her wisdom, her humility and her joy for life were unforgettable. At the time, she was dating my future father-in-law, a recent widower. My fiancé along with his brother and sister were, quite frankly, distressed their dad was dating so soon after their mother’s death. Rebel that I was I thought Ardis was the best thing for him. Maybe it was because, even from the beginning, I suspected she would become important to me, also.
Ardis almost immediately reached out and loved me with a depth that almost made me weep. She was more than a friend; she became my mentor. Her mentoring went beyond stitching up the wounds life created in me. Full of laughter and hope, growth and connection, her guidance helped me embrace not only who I was, but inspired me to become all God created me to be.
Her journey wasn’t always smooth. Her first husband passed away. They never had children, a joy denied. And while Ardis attended my wedding, I never was able to return the favor. My father-in-law died of cancer prior to their wedding day. She never asked, “Why did this happen to me?” I’d like to think that was because she felt comfortable in God’s arms; that somehow in those tragedies she knew God’s love seeped in through the cracks in her broken heart.
She became my heroine because my life was enlarged by the strength in her story. In our conversations, she offered hope, compassion and humility. Witnessing her integrity firsthand expanded my relationship with God. Her authenticity convinced me God always gets us through tough seasons and grows us despite our struggles.
That’s the beauty of a mentor. It wasn’t just Ardis’ wisdom that inspired me. It didn’t end in her non-judgmental ways. It was sitting in her living room or talking on the phone, sharing intimate details of our lives that persuaded me, “You are not alone. You deeply cherished.” God as our ultimate power source is demonstrated only through a life of love.
In our time together, I don’t think Ardis ever quoted a verse of Scripture. Instead, she offered a picture of living Biblically despite being deeply human, to flourish in life despite the setbacks through devotion to God. What made her mentoring so meaningful was not her personality, her mental capability or any other competency, it was love.
Through relationship, through the love of Christ, even the hardest stories can be redeemed. Mine included. When I lost a job I loved, she offered encouragement. When I required surgery and was anxious, she offered calm. When I had a difficult decision to make, she offered wisdom. When friends were cruel, she offered her presence. Ardis spoke words that made my soul stronger in each of these situations. Those tiny investments forged life-giving community for both of us.
If my inner voice silently whispered, “You just aren’t good enough,” my crisis of insecurity was drowned out by her love. I began to see myself not as a victim, but a victor; not a loser, but a champion; not a failure, but the heroine of my own story.
That’s why I started being a mentor. Not because I’m a Biblical scholar; I’m not. Not because my life is without drama; it certainly isn’t. Not because I can say I’ve never spoken ill of anyone because I can’t. Mentoring started for me because, through Ardis, I came to believe women must make other women a priority. I wanted to answer her call that as women we thrive when we love each other well.
Women worry about how we look, what we’re wearing, how well-behaved our children are. In those comparisons, women can be downright mean to each other. This is a disease that causes us to be angry, uncaring, lonely, fearful. Mentoring propels us to forget about our dirty houses and foster transparency with each other. In exposing our faults, we escape what we think protects us. God expands hearts so you, whether a mentor or a mentee, can become the heroine of the story God is writing for you.
The last page of our intertwining story was written in early July. For the past two years, our conversations grew shorter while her health failed. When Ardis passed, even with God’s love seeping through the cracks of my broken heart, the pain was unbearable. It is an ache that never will go away; a piece missing from my life that can never be replaced. Still I rejoice! Her legacy, however, lives on because of her mentoring. Ardis gave me the abundant joy of knowing I am so loved by my Creator there is more than enough love in me to give away.
Can you fill someone’s empty space with love? Or do you have an empty space that needs filling? Email roomatthetable@saddleback.com for information on Saddleback’s mentoring program.