Myths of Infertility
04/28/2018 .As part of our continued conversation this week to “Flip the Script” and change the conversations surrounding infertility in the church, I wanted to address some of the more prevalent myths surrounding infertility.
Myth #1: Infertility is a punishment for past sin
Truth: Infertility, like all disease, is a result of a fallen world; it is not a punishment placed upon individuals by God. In Luke Chapter 1 we meet Zechariah and Elizabeth, the future parents of John the Baptist. They also have infertility, yet the bible describes them as truly doing what God said was good. They did everything the Lord commanded and were without fault in keeping his law. But they had no children, because Elizabeth could not have a baby, and both of them were very old. (Luke 1:6-7 NCV). If infertility was a punishment, then surely Zechariah and Elizabeth would not have suffered from it! And for those of us who believe in Jesus, Ephesians 1:7 reminds us that “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.” Infertility is not God’s punishment for past or future sins, He’s already removed those as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).
Myth #2 Adoption is the cure for infertility
Fact: Adoption is a beautiful, difficult, complicated path that is walked by both infertile people and people who have biological children. Not all couples who are infertile are called to adopt anymore than all couples who have biological children are called to adopt. All believers are called to support the widow and the orphan (James 1:27) - so all of us can come together and support those families who are called to build or expand their families through adoption.
Additionally, telling people to adopt so they then get pregnant is both inaccurate (it happens in less than 5% of adoptive families according to Resolve.org) and also dismissive of the miracle that that adopted child is. The implication behind statements like “oh, now that you’ve adopted you’ll get pregnant!” is that the adopted child is a consolation prize or a stepping stone to “real” children. All children are precious miracles, regardless of how they join families.
Myth #3 God promised everyone a baby
Truth: Romans 8:28 promises that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him -but that definition of good is not limited by our wants and dreams. For the first several years of my own walk through infertility, I was guilty of limiting God’s goodness to my own desires. I was so angry that a good God would not give me this good thing that I was asking for. My mentality was “God is good, babies are good, so thus I’m going to have a baby.” No wonder I doubted His goodness in the midst of my pain! I had tried to stick Him in a box and got mad when He wouldn’t fit in it! We talk often in support group about God writing unexpected stories through our infertility. Sometimes that is biological children, sometimes that is adoptive children, sometimes that is mentoring or other forms of ministry- always it is His good plan and never is our pain wasted.
Myth #4 Pursuing medical interventions shows a lack of faith
Truth: There are many types of medical interventions available for treating infertility, and just as we may seek medical treatment for a broken leg, cancer, or mental illness - God has given doctors wisdom and ability to treat infertility. He does not call every family to medical interventions any more than He calls every family to adoptions - but He can and does work through the medical community to build families.
Myth #5 Motherhood is the ultimate calling and fulfillment of womanhood
Fact: Jesus said that we have two callings: To love God and to love our neighbor (Mark 12:30-31). Motherhood is important and should be honored, but not all women are called to mother. For some women it is a choice they make, for others it is a dream that is left unrealized and for some it is a dream that is short lived. Women are called to love well in all of the different roles we walk in in life - from daughter to coworker to everything in between, and our most important role is that of Daughter to a King who loves us, sees our hurts and redeems our pains.
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Here at Saddleback Church we have the wonderful resources of Infertility Support Groups to help support grieving parents, in addition to wonderful counselors, pastors, and volunteers.
There is a couples infertility support group that meets from 10-12 pm the first Saturday of the month and a women’s infertility support group that meets the third Thursday of the month. Both meetings are in the Education Room 3 at the Rancho Capistrano campus. For more information, contact Anna Hornbostel at anna@yet-life.com.