This past weekend, Pastor Rick told the story of some fisherman who had tried everything to catch fish and had come up empty. Yet on that same day, they caught one of the biggest haul of fish ever because of their trust in and obedience to Jesus. There were several points that Pastor Rick covered that have a direct impact on our married lives. For many, marriage can become a place of extreme emptiness and just as the disciples had to invite Jesus into their boat and then obey what he told them to do, we need to do the same when it comes to our marriages. Here are some ideas on how this might apply to our marriages.
Give Jesus Complete Access to My Life
Have you given Jesus complete access to your marriage? Have you turned over complete control to him? When it comes to relationships, especially couple relationships, we have a hard time giving God access because we know that doing so would involve a level of commitment on our part. When we give Jesus complete access to our relationship we know that we can’t hold anything back, including our own faults and the things we are holding onto as “rights” that we feel we deserve. When we give Jesus complete access it means we completely surrender everything to him. Surrendering means that we give up our demands and our “expert” opinion on whose fault it is that things are going wrong and we ask Jesus to do the real inspecting and diagnosis of what the problems are.
As you look at your marriage right now, have you completely surrendered the issues and the results to God? Or, are you telling God “I know you are God but I know my relationship better than you do?” What hurts or fears do you need to give him complete access to?
Admit My Efforts Aren’t Working
Admitting we can’t fix something or that everything we have tried has failed is a difficult thing especially when it comes to our relationships. Many of us think that it would work if our partner would just “get with the program.” So we keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different results which I believe is the definition of insanity! Yet to admit that I am wrong feels too vulnerable and feels like justifying all the things I feel my spouse has done to me. As a result many couples live life doing the same things over and over again refusing to change until the other person does first.
As you look at your marriage, what things are you stubbornly holding on to that just are not working in your relationship? What do you need to do to stop doing those things? What confessions do you need to make to God and your spouse?
Obey Whatever Jesus Tells Me to Do
Obedience is a word people try to avoid in life. It feels like a power play or that someone else gets to tell us what to do. Yet that is exactly what we are called to do as followers of Christ. Since he is God, anything short of obedience really is trying to be God in your own life. When it comes to marriage, many of us don’t really want to obey what Jesus tells us to do. Sure we know we need to love our spouse and be faithful to our vows, but Jesus obviously did not have our spouse in mind when he said that. He couldn’t possibly ask me to obey what he would have other “normal” couples do because our marriage is anything but normal. The reality is that God created marriage and he knows your situation and that doesn’t change what he asks you to do. Working with many couples I can tell you that the core issues are usually the same the details are the only thing that is different. So why not obey the one who created marriage and try his way out?
As you look at your marriage, what is keeping you from obeying what God has asked you to do? What is the worst thing that could happen if you attempted to be the spouse he has asked you to be? What is one thing you can do today to show your desire to obey as it relates to your marriage?
Expect Jesus to Turn Things Around
Most people don’t obey because they don’t really trust that the results will work out the way they think they should. Deep down we fear that God will leave us in a lifeless marriage that tortures us for the rest of our lives. Jesus does not ask us to obey because he wants to torture us. He asks us to obey because he knows what is best and he sees the big picture while we only see now. I can’t tell you how many marriages that have been turned around and people would aspire to today that hung on one decision to follow God’s guidelines and work hard to make it work. If those couples had decided to throw in the towel at that moment they would have missed the joy they are experiencing today. They expected that Jesus could turn their marriages around and they lived as if they believed that to be true.
In you own marriage, do you trust that Jesus can turn things around? Or, do you feel your problems are too big for him to handle? In what areas do you struggle with trusting Jesus? Why?
If we are to have marriages that reflect God’s original intent, then we need to invite Jesus into the boat of our marriages, give him full access to our lives, obey him in every way, and then expect him to turn things around and trust that he will. If you find yourself in a place of struggling in your own marriage, please don’t give up! Take advantage of all the things we have to offer you at Saddleback Church. Attend our Married Life Classes and Events. Come see one of our counselors. Do whatever it takes to turn your marriage around. It is worth it!