A Beautiful Mess - Bringing Two Families Together

Sometimes a baptism symbolizes a new start for an individual. For the Thatchers, it symbolized a fresh start for two families that had been brought together in a way that only God could do.

On a clear spring night, the Thatchers, five kids and two adults, were baptized together. Theirs was a unique story...two families that had experienced heartache and loss, but that found hope and a new beginning in each other.

Three years ago, Rebecca wondered where she had gone wrong. Her dreams has been shattered when she discovered that her husband had been unfaithful to her. Despite enduring years of “unspeakable unkindnesses” while she tried to make things work, the marriage dissolved. Once a wife and mother, she was now divorced and raising her four young girls on her own. In the wake of her divorce, she was left to pick up the mess her unhealthy and abusive marriage had left behind, including the effects on her girls.

“I was a single mom, looking for community. My babies actually brought me to Christ. I signed up to serve at the VBS they were attending. And, I just knew—this church is our home and this is our community. Being in community is where I got healed.”

At that same time, Ethan was facing his own battle. Despite fighting for years to restore his first marriage, he ended up divorced and with full custody of his young son.

“My first wife and I married in 2003. We had our son in 2005. It was a rough marriage. We had no relationship with God at first. In 2006, we realized we needed to go to church. But a few weeks later, as she left for the weekend to attend a wedding, she called me and said she was starting the divorce process. She said that, if I loved her, I would let her go.” Ethan knew his addiction to pornography had destroyed his marriage. “I heard a sermon on living with a pure heart, and I knew I couldn’t pursue my addictions and truly love my wife. I broke down. I knew I did this to our marriage.” Ethan and his wife divorced shortly after.

At his lowest point, Ethan was surrounded by men from his church who gathered around him and prayed.

“I decided to fight for my marriage.” His wife responded to his attempts at reconciliation, and they eventually got remarried. “I thought we had started with a clean slate. We started serving and even spoke to church groups on how God saves marriages.” But when Ethan’s wife discovered she was pregnant with their second child, she came to him and said, “This was a mistake.” She wanted to get divorced...again.

“I pled with God to not take this miracle away. I had honored my marriage. I had prayed. But my wife had been dating another man. So I had to finish the divorce she started.” They also lost the second child they had been expecting.  

After his divorce, Ethan began attending Saddleback church. Several years after the divorce, after he dropped off his son at Saddleback Kids, he met a woman who would give him a new hope for the future of his family.

“I remember the exact moment and place where I met Rebecca,” says Ethan. “We became friends and I asked her out.” Rebecca initially said no, and the two instead pursued a friendship that allowed Rebecca to let her guard down.

Over the year, their friendship grew as they served together in the Acts of Kindness ministry at Saddleback. They watched God heal their hurts and bring something beautiful out of seeming chaos. “Ethan challenged me, in a kind way. He was humble and willing to serve, and I was just drawn to him. He relentlessly pursued me and it was unlike anything I’d ever known.”

It was after serving together in the ministry that Rebecca realized she had fallen for Ethan. They began dating, alone at first, and then bringing their kids along.

What once seemed hopelessly broken was restored as God united their two families into one, big, beautifully messy tribe. One year ago, Rebecca and Ethan were married. And then, God’s restoration culminated in the new family being baptized together.

On a sunny Sunday afternoon, Rebecca, Ethan, and their five kids gathered around the baptism pool at Saddleback Church. It took two pastors to baptize the entire clan...Pastor Rick and Pastor Tom. It symbolized a beautiful, new hope for their futures.

Ethan and Rebecca have matching tattoos that read, "Do you trust him?" and it is their declaration and a daily reminder to trust God with their family and their future. “Life isn’t perfect,” says Rebecca. But she and Ethan are committed to fight for their marriage, including being part of the Stepfamily Life ministry. “Our family is messy but beautiful. The enemy won’t take our family. He gives us strength to lift each other up.”

Click HERE to learn more about the Stepfamily Life ministry.