Facing the realities of HIV — A woman’s HIV test inquiry produces unexpected results

Kristi signed in at the blood lab and took the only available seat in the crowded waiting room. To pass the hour-long wait, she chimed in with the small talk that filled the room. She chatted with the man in a business suit to her right and a mom with a teenage son on her left. Despite her calm appearance, inside Kristi was anxious about the reason that brought her to the blood lab that day.

Two years earlier, Kristi’s world came crashing down around her when she learned her husband of 17 years had been unfaithful. She filed for divorce and worked hard to restart her life with her two teenage kids. During a counseling session, her therapist recommended she get tested for HIV. Kristi felt like, once again, the rug had been pulled out from beneath her. She sat quietly trying to wrangle the unsettling thoughts that spun around in her mind — the possibility of having HIV, and the means of contracting it.

In time, Kristi came to terms with the reality that she needed to know her HIV status. During a visit to her doctor, she asked to have an HIV test included with her routine blood work. A few days later, she stopped by the blood lab on her way to work, disappointed to find a crowded waiting room and long wait. At long last, Kristi was called to the front to show her insurance card and ID. When she openly asked if her doctor had ordered an HIV test, a wave of silence fell over the room. The girl behind the desk whispered to the employee next to her and then motioned for Kristi to come behind the desk. She pointed at her computer screen to show that an HIV test had been ordered.

Kristi returned to her seat to find the chairs on both sides of hers empty. The man in the suit was now sitting across the room, and the mother and son were waiting in the hall. Feelings of disbelief washed over her. How could the people who she was carrying on a friendly conversation with just minutes before treat her like an outcast? Kristi sat with her head hung in shame.

As she went about the rest of her day, Kristi tried to unpack what had happened that morning — the shame and isolation she felt as a consequence of simply saying the words “HIV test.” Waiting for the results of her test, Kristi realized that being HIV positive would carry a one-two punch — changes to her health and the cold reality of the social stigma that may be equally as difficult to face. Still, she was glad that she had the courage to be tested, because she knew that the greatest risk of all was not knowing her HIV status.

Click here to learn about Saddleback’s HIV&AIDS Initiative and free HIV testing available through the Lake Forest PEACE Center.