Where We Belong

In one hectic season, Tami’s daughter was born, her father-in-law passed away, her husband inherited a business, and her oldest child, Jordan, was diagnosed with autism. Living many hours away from her parents, she thought she could find help and hope in her faith community. Instead, Tami and her family became outsiders.

Tami has had more than her fair share of struggles. Growing up in a great home with a loving, faith-filled family to support and encourage her couldn’t have prepared her when life as a young mother began to twist into chaos and uncertainty.

Tami was born into this world fighting for her life. She spent the first several weeks of life in NICU, needing several surgeries just to stay alive. Twenty-six years later, she found herself watching her firstborn face the same life-threatening struggle. Jordan was born with a blood infection and other complications requiring surgery. “The whole process was pretty traumatic,” Tami says, “I was a mess.” Once Jordan pulled through, Tami thought life could move on as normal. As Jordan grew into an adventurous toddler, his sister, Elizabeth joined the family. However, an undiagnosed challenge was about to reveal itself.

“Jordan never socially developed like other kids his age,” Tami recalls. Initially, she thought the complications of his birth had slowed his development, or that he was developing hearing problems. When Elizabeth started surpassing Jordan in normal developmental milestones, she became more concerned. She had Jordan examined by several doctors, but was not getting any answers. “We hit a wall a few times — doctors would say there’s nothing wrong, but I knew in my heart there was something going on.”

Tami received some closure when they found a doctor who could explain what was going on. At four years old, Jordan was diagnosed with autism. Her doctor gave her information so she would be equipped to raise her son in the best environment possible. Tami began to inform friends, family, and their church community about Jordan’s autism. But she found a lack of understanding in the one place she needed it most. The Sunday school teachers told Tami they knew about autism, but often didn’t really understand how to help Jordan fit in. Tami was exasperated. She often had to remove him from the class for weeks at a time.

As Jordan struggled to fit in, his teachers ran out of ideas to help. Because he was different, Jordan was often dismissed or isolated from the other kids. Tami went above and beyond to try to help but nothing worked. Tami and David began to feel misunderstood. They had the sense that they no longer belonged. “We were asked by people, ‘What’s wrong with your family?’ and ‘Is this really the right place for you?’” Tami confessed, “I felt so defeated — it was really hard.” Eventually, they were asked to leave the church. Tami felt lost and abandoned. The friendships and community they had developed would not hold through this storm.

They struggled for years trying to find a church community. Even as hope dimmed, Tami pressed on in her search. “I looked online and found Saddleback Church had an autism support group.” Instilled with a new sense of hope, Tami began attending. “I came several times, and kept coming back.” After attending, she came home and told her husband she thought Saddleback was a place where they might be able to fit in.

As Tami, David, Jordan, and Elizabeth began attending Saddleback Anaheim things began to fall into place for their family. At the support group, experienced professionals provided advice and practical help for Tami and David. They also plugged into a small group. There they met several other families with experience raising autistic children. Having gone through similar struggles, the group helped Tami overcome many of her challenges raising Jordan. “The support group is great, it’s like critical care when you feel you need emergency help and you’re going to crack under the pressure of this,” Tami explains.  “Saddleback had a place right then that was like an emergency room I could go into.” Tami had finally found the church community she longed for.

At Saddleback Church, Jordan found a safe place for friendship as well. Fitting in socially is Jordan’s biggest struggle. “He has to learn by trial and error to fit in, and at Saddleback, we found that place. He is not afraid to be himself here,” Tami says with a smile. “During our second visit Pastor Rick announced he’d be giving out ‘free hugs’ at the end of the service. Jordan pushed his way into the line and proudly stated, ‘I’m going to get a hug from Pastor Rick!’ Knowing Jordan and his apprehension to hug anyone, in that moment, Tami and David realized they belonged here.

Jordan joined the setup team, waking up at 5:00 AM with David to head to church every Sunday morning. “It was the perfect place for Jordan,” Tami said. Jordan was just one of the guys. He easily fit in. They slapped each other on the back and kept their Sunday morning sugar rush alive with fresh donuts. “Jordan loved being a part of the team, that experience was so valuable.” They welcomed him to the group as he was. No strings attached. “Even when we drive in, all the parking guys wave at Jordan and he feels like that’s his crew.”

“As we’ve been part of the church, it feels like there are fewer bumps along the way,” Tami explains. “It’s really nice to be in a place where you can feel comfortable. You can come here and go, ‘I’m home’. You don’t have to be a certain way, you can just be who you are. For our family, Saddleback is that place.”

Through the trials and heartache, one thing has been a constant thread holding their lives together. “Jesus Christ,” Tami’s face lights up as she starts, “I’m not the star, Jesus is the star!” Jesus gave them hope when they faced heartache and rejection. They persisted and found a life giving community they could belong to in Saddleback Church. “The winds can blow but when your roots are deeply grounded in God’s Word, prayer, and fellowship, that’s a recipe for success,” Tami says. “God promises when he gives us challenges he will give us the tools to get through it. I’m not on my own, he has a plan.”

Click HERE to learn more about Saddleback’s Autism Support Group.