Walking Together through the Storm: Grieving the Loss of a Child to SIDS

Life doesn’t always turn out the way you expect. When a storm hits, it’s too late to begin preparing for it. Jonathon and Tatiana’s world turned upside down when they lost their daughter, Savannah, to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). They felt caught off guard; stunned at the tragedy; unable to shake the feeling that it was all just a bad dream. They discovered God had surrounded them with an incredible group of friends who stood by their side — caring for them through this tremendous loss.

As they navigated the seasons of life with their growing family, Jonathon and Tatiana were doing everything right. They couldn’t have planned life better if they tried. As they raised two beautiful children, one boy, Levi, and one girl, Savannah, life seemed perfect. They had everything they wanted — until May 8, 2013.

“I can still hear Tatiana’s scream when she walked in the room to wake Savannah up,” Jonathon lamented. They laid Savannah in the crib just hours before, delivering their goodnight kisses, not knowing they would be her last. “This couldn’t really be happening. My little girl was healthy and safely sleeping in her crib.” Jonathon recalled thinking, “I found myself asking ‘Why God?’ But Savannah was really gone — it wasn’t just a bad dream.”

Years earlier, Jonathon and Tatiana made the commitment to join a small group with other young couples. “Little did we know then, that decision would be one of the wisest choices we ever made,” Jonathon reflected.

“It’s rough working to find a new small group,” Jonathon continued. “The first few months are the most difficult.” Everyone is trying to get to know each other — carving time in their busy schedules to meet and invest in the new group.

They became close friends with the other couples in their small group. “There were a number of times when life got busy or people moved, but we kept our commitment to being there for each other,” Jonathon recalls. “We found it especially hard to meet as we all started having babies.”

“Our small group became an extension of our family,” Jonathon expressed. “Meeting with each other doesn’t feel like a chore — it just feels natural.”

When life gets stressful, our instincts kick in — overriding our logic and reasoning. Yet, on the morning of their loss, amidst the chaos, Tatiana knew there was hope to be found in their small group community. “I instantly ran next door to get Chris from our small group, for some reason that was my first reaction, I felt as though he would know what to do,” Tatiana stated. The rest of her day was a blur.

As emergency personnel and local police eventually cleared out of their home, Jonathon and Tatiana were left with many unanswered questions. As soon as the couple’s small group heard what had happened that morning, they rushed over to help, still wearing pajamas. Throughout the day, Jonathon and Tatiana’s small group stayed at the house as they wrestled with this harsh new reality.

“The days to follow were a complete haze.” Jonathon says. Their family and small group took care of everything. The small group stepped in to plan Savannah’s memorial and continued to help them long after. Tatiana recalls the torment she faced trying to cope with her grief. She felt hopeless — she felt attacked. Despite the pain and difficulty, she tried to focus on God’s promises and hope. “I know that the constant prayer by our small group on our behalf helped us get through that dark time,” she says.

The weight of this nightmare scenario would be difficult for any couple to carry. Friends and family were there for them. But, as many people going through a family tragedy find, after a few weeks, the attention fades as people go back to their normal routine.

“We were going through the worst storm of our life at that point — when we needed the solid foundation, our small group was there,” Jonathon admitted. “If we had waited until the storm arrived it wouldn’t have been there.”

When the memorial had passed the flowers, cards, and meals slowed and then ceased, the families from their small group were still right there — accompanying Jonathon and Tatiana as they worked to make sense of the tragedy.

“The biggest thing was meals,” Tatiana expressed. “They would invite us over for dinner so it never felt awkward.” For the next year the other families in their small group would take time to invite Jonathon, Tatiana, and Levi over for dinner once a week — providing them with consistent support they could lean on.

 “As we’ve mourned through sleepless nights, God has been with us,” Jonathon says, “We have never felt closer to God or more loved by him even though the pain was so bad.”

“God comforts us and we comfort others,” Jonathon shares. “He has been so faithful comforting us.” Nearly 1500 families face a loss due to SIDS every year; Jonathon and Tatiana want to reach out to help those families. “We should talk to them. We should have them over for dinner. Our friendship and support should be a safe place for them — no matter where they’re at in their relationship with God.”

“Our hearts are still filled with love for Savannah, but she’s not here for us to pour it out on her anymore,” Jonathon continues, “but God showed us kids that are still alive but lacking the love and support they need.  God put it on our heart to take the love we still have for our daughter and pour it out on these kids.” Since Savannah’s death, Jonathon and Tatiana have founded a charity with the help of their small group, SavannahClassic.org, to help medically fragile children  who have been abandoned. Tatiana shares “Loving on these kids in Savannah’s name has helped to bring some healing.”

It has been nearly three years since Jonathon and Tatiana lost their precious daughter Savannah to SIDS. Their lives turned upside down. Everything they knew, everything they were certain of, drenched in a storm of uncertainty and chaos. Today they stand, having walked a great distance on this difficult path. Loving God. Loving their son. And loving Penelope, the youngest-smiling, giggling addition to their family. And through it all, still committed to their small group.

“We’ve always known the importance of our relationship with our Creator, the importance of good friends,” Tatiana continues, “but it wasn’t until the worst day of our life that we realized the importance of our small group.”

“We are so grateful for the people that helped us build our lives closer to God,” Jonathon added.

“Being plugged into church life is not negotiable,” Tatiana asserts. Despite pressure from family and other commitments, Jonathon and Tatiana have always focused on keeping God their top priority. They have purposed to live an authentic and active Christian faith in their church community.

Jonathon and Tatiana obviously face real struggles — like every family — but keep their priorities in line with God’s purpose for their lives. Their resilience in the face of such a terrible, unimaginable tragedy demonstrates God’s faithfulness to his promises — outworked through the community they found in a small group.

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