Finding New Marching Orders in the Wilderness

The quiet wilderness of the Sierra Nevada Mountains is a good place to find God, especially if, like Steve Carter, you don’t even know you’ve lost him. The majestic pines, the magnificent strength of the mountains, and a community of men willing to accept you despite your weaknesses will lay the foundation for deep soul-searching. Still, Steve wasn’t looking for God to change his life as much as feel the encouragement of a group of guys and enjoy the serenity of the rough country.

There were reasons piled upon reasons why Steve shouldn’t be at the Men’s Wilderness Retreat. He had lost his job, was losing his home, and was still carrying the grief of stinging childhood memories – an overbearing father and a sexually abusive relationship with a man outside the home. These obstacles combined to make him feel uncomfortable spending a weekend with a group of unfamiliar men. “But the thought of going on a Men’s Retreat sounded exciting,” Steve explained. “Especially after being involved with the ministry for a few years.”

Figuring he couldn’t go, Steve decided to at least help with the planning. While engrossed in preparation tasks, the Saddleback Men’s Pastor asked Steve why he wasn’t attending the retreat. When Steve explained his financial circumstances, the pastor arranged for assistance. “But with that came responsibilities. Even before I arrived I felt I had to earn my keep. So I navigated one of the vans, helped with registration, worked in the kitchen, did anything I could to justify the courtesy,” Steve said. “That is until one day while I was working in the kitchen, a loving brother approached me and said, ‘You are missing the best parts.’”

Taking this advice, Steve began to engage with the other men. He enjoyed the worship music, the boisterous cheering during outdoor activities and the quiet reflection around the campfire where men spoke openly about their struggles, pain and issues. Steve recognized something was absent in his life. Even though he had been a Christian for many years, he felt he needed to open his heart and soul to his pain now buried, muted and hidden. “I wanted to expand my sphere of influence, but I knew in order to do that, I had to lean into my fears, unattained dreams and upsetting past. The resilience God put in us all began to stir in my soul. I learned I had to invest in my own healing,” Steve explained. Like many of the other men, Steve started to understand the power of his failures will never exceed the power of his identity in Christ.

“I began to toss around the idea of getting baptized once again. I knew baptism was for new Christians to proclaim their faith, yet I wanted a public pronouncement witnessed by these men of my renewed reliance on God. This wilderness time convinced me I must allow God to use my life for something greater than this world has to offer. I needed to stand up and openly proclaim, ‘I have refocused my life on Christ. This is who I am.’”

Baptism was planned in an alpine stream, but the stream was frozen and rain made the excursion there too treacherous, so an inflatable pool of freezing water was used. As Steve waded into the frigid water, he shivered. “But as I emerged from the water, I felt turbocharged. It was a defining moment for me. God gave me my marching orders as a man, husband and father.” Normally, baptisms are a raucous event with a party atmosphere. “But I wept. So did many of the men who witnessed it. It was a very emotional moment. We abandoned the lie of believing God will only love us if we change. The truth is only Jesus’ love can change us. Your worst failure or victimization will never cause God to leave you.”

Walking out of the chilly water, Steve felt a fire ignite within. “I immediately wanted to encourage other men to seek the same kind of experience.” Now convinced he was loved and forgiven, when Steve returned, his desire was to live by example. He began to talk about his life in Christ with others. He started a men’s group at the Rancho Capistrano campus where he made it a priority to encourage men to listen to the voice of God speaking comfort and assurance. Every man was supported and embraced because love includes a willingness to share the sufferings of others.

“Additionally, I wanted to center my life on being the Christ-driven leader of my family. We began to talk about Christ together. Before the retreat, our activities were siloed. But now, we face life united together knowing God develops our character in the face of our challenges.” Steve also encouraged his wife and children to find their purpose through the church. His wife, Chris, is now part of the women’s studies. His son, Hayden, runs the sound board for the high school ministry. Daughter, Kennedy, volunteers with the youth ministry and contemplates her new serving role during the transition from junior high to high school ministry.

Steve Carter has become a warrior by sharing the sweet victory of restored life when men grasp God’s hope. He also admits the stunning beauty of the Sierras and outdoor adventure challenges of the Men’s Retreat were not what developed the strength, courage and determination within him.  No, those things came from opening up his heart and accepting the overwhelming love of God.

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