Climbing up from Rock Bottom

When Michelle got arrested for drug possession, life as she knew it came to a screeching halt. On the outside, she resembled the picture of success — she had her own place, academic success, and a thriving career. But suddenly, she was losing everything. Publicly humiliated, she felt like she’d failed everyone, including herself. How could she ever pick up the pieces?

Michelle’s addiction began in high school, when she started drinking with her friends. The first time she tasted a sip of alcohol, she wanted more. She drank to the point of blacking out, remembering little of the previous night’s events when she woke up. Next, she tried drugs and liked the way they made her feel.

“The first time I tried drugs, I knew I was in trouble,” Michelle admitted. “I wondered how I’d ever stop.”

Convinced she had to be a perfect daughter and friend, Michelle maintained a smiling face around those she loved while sinking further into addiction. Eventually, she began pushing her close friends away. She went on to college, securing her own apartment and car. After college, she then landed a great job, and seemed well on her way to a successful career. But behind closed doors, she grew miserable and depressed.

“I faked happiness,” Michelle said. “I lived a double life.”

On Saturday nights, she partied hard, filling her system with drugs and alcohol. On Sunday mornings, she crawled out of bed and dragged herself to her parents’ church, running on no sleep. Raised in the Catholic church, Michelle desired her father’s approval and knew he’d be disappointed if she didn’t show up. She went through the motions, still miserable. She struggled with identity, torn between two worlds. To some, she was a happy, smiling person and a good Catholic girl. To others, she was a party girl. The pretense wore on Michelle, and emptiness prevailed.

One morning, Michelle found herself handcuffed in the back of a police car. Shocked, she wondered how it had all come to this. Later, while sitting in a cold jail cell, Michelle remained in a fog, not talking to anyone.I don’t belong here, she thought to herself, feeling sick inside.

The detective who booked her was kind, encouraging her to call her parents and face them. But Michelle was too ashamed. She called a friend first. The detective assured her it would all be okay, that she would get through it. Bracing herself for the worst, Michelle made the dreaded call to her parents. They bailed her out of jail in the early hours of the morning.

When Michelle’s boss found out about the arrest, she lost her job. No longer able to afford her own place, she moved back into her parents’ house. There, Michelle hunkered down in her childhood room. She’d officially hit rock bottom.

“I locked myself in that room and, to be honest, tried not to kill myself,” Michelle said. “My world as I knew it was over.”

Unable to sleep, Michelle tossed and turned, wrought with terrible thoughts. One dark night had changed everything, and she could never take it back. She grew angry, blaming God. If he hadn’t allowed her to get caught, none of this would have ever happened!

Michelle’s lawyer encouraged her to enter an inpatient addiction-treatment center. She agreed to go, staying there for eight months. Her parents remained very supportive the entire time. In one of her groups, she met a girl who spoke often about her relationship with God. This piqued Michelle’s curiosity, as she’d never heard someone talk about God that way. To her, God was just some guy in the sky who made the rules and punished folks if they messed up.

Michelle spoke with her counselor and told her she wanted to go back to church. A friend suggested Saddleback Church, where they’d been attending for years. Michelle agreed to go, visiting the Lake Forest campus for the first time. Pastor Rick spoke about forgiveness that morning, and the message pierced Michelle’s heart.

“I felt he was speaking straight to me,” she said. “I’d been struggling so badly to forgive myself. Pastor Rick reminded us that if God could forgive us for what we’d done, we could forgive ourselves, too.”

Michelle continued attending Saddleback, intrigued by the messages she heard. For the first time, she understood the difference between religion and a relationship with God. A relationship changed everything. A relationship, she realized, was the missing piece in her life. God was the only one who could truly fill that emptiness in her heart and restore her joy.

After attending church for two months, Michelle took the next step and invited Jesus into her life, beginning a relationship with him. She got baptized at Saddleback, making a public statement to her family and friends that she’d begun a new journey. Rising from those waters, Michelle felt hope again. On paper, she may have a record forever, but in God’s book, her slate was wiped clean.

Michelle continued her recovery process, attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings. She then learned about Celebrate Recovery®, a program similar to AA but with a faith-based component. She began attending meetings and enjoyed meeting others who were successfully navigating their breakthrough from addiction. She met regularly with her sponsor, staying on track with her sobriety. Her old friends faded out of her life as God brought new ones in. With a wonderful support system at home and church, Michelle found herself thriving again.

Ready to pursue a new career, Michelle returned to school to obtain her Master’s degree. She began working as a drug and alcohol counselor, helping those who were struggling with addiction like she once had. Meanwhile, Michelle continued attending Saddleback at the Anaheim campus, which was closer to her house. When Saddleback hosted their Easter services at the Angel Stadium, Michelle asked her parents if they’d attend with her. To her delight, they agreed to go and were impressed by the welcoming atmosphere.

Today, Michelle’s life looks much different than it did a few years ago. Though she had to start over in many ways, she is still using the lessons she learned and the pain of her past to help others. She is still working to get back on her feet and get her own place again, but she knows how far she’s come from that dark night several years ago.

“My mother once asked me if I would have stopped using drugs and alcohol if I hadn’t gotten arrested,” Michelle said. “And I don’t know if I would have. That arrest was my wakeup call. If this all hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have the respect for myself that I have today. For every awful thing that happens to us, we can always ask ourselves, ‘What can I learn from this?’”

Michelle will never forget hitting rock bottom, losing everything. But she also knows that it was from that empty, lonely place that she found hope again. Today, she no longer struggles with identity; she knows whom she belongs to. And no matter what life dishes out, she knows she’ll never be alone. God is by her side.

Learn more about Celebrate Recovery at saddleback.com/celebraterecovery