New Purpose Through Parenting
03/16/2019 .Several years ago, I realized that apathy had settled in to my life due to my self-absorbed lifestyle of work and study. I would hear about suffering and poverty around the world, but it did not seem to affect me. I didn’t pray for others — I was so focused on my own needs.
At the time, I was pursuing my doctorate in psychology at an accelerated pace while also serving as a full-time Chief Clinical Officer at an agency that worked with children with autism. After completing my doctorate program, I hoped that I’d be able to break out of the pattern of apathy and self-absorption. However, my life was still unaffected by the needs of those around me. I found myself continually indifferent to the needy and suffering.
Feeling a bit unsettled about my life, I decided it was time to break out of my comfort zone. I learned that there was a need in Vietnam for people who could provide training to staff in orphanages. So I traveled to a foreign place to help change kids’ lives — or, at least, that’s what I thought I was doing.
As I saw firsthand the needs of young children who didn’t have active parents in their life, my own attitudes and thoughts changed.I realized that I was the one who needed my life transformed.A heart of compassion grew within me. I discovered that my life needed a new sense of purpose.
Over the years, I have been back to Vietnam three times to help with trainings and to share God’s love with the kids and staff in the orphanage. Working with this group of kids in Vietnam began stirring something new inside my heart — I wanted to adopt my own kids. But I often questioned if I could really take on that responsibility as a single parent.
When I was in Vietnam, I learned of the opportunity to sponsor children in the orphanage. I decided to pick the youngest child in one of the orphanages — a five-year-old girl named Ut. Ut forever captured my heart as she began to refer to me as her “Daddy.” Hearing this little girl, whom I'd grown so attached to, call me “Daddy,” and then knowing that I couldn't be family for her while she lived in the orphanage, helped grow my desire to adopt. But could I really do that as a single parent?
I returned from Vietnam with a desire to get more involved locally and work with orphans. I also looked for ways to serve where I lived. I got plugged in to the Orphan Care Initiative at Saddleback Church and led teams of volunteers to help other churches connect orphans to new families.
My next step in my faith involved developing my own personal mission statement. This was, in part, inspired by learning in Class 401 to live my life on mission. Through prayerful consideration, I developed a four-part personal mission statement. I’ve engraved this mission statement on a plaque and put it on the wall to continually remind myself:
1) To be a father to the fatherless
2) To be a champion for the oppressed
3) To be a selfless man of integrity
4) To be a mentor to inspire others
This moment began my greatest faith adventure. Through Ut, God placed in my heart the desire to pursue local adoption. In August 2016, I became a foster parent of two foster children — a seven-year-old girl and a nine-year-old boy.
This was my mission. It has been an incredibly difficult undertaking, attempting to build attachment with two traumatized children who have all sorts of maladaptive behaviors. There have been many days that I wondered if I could continue, but with the support of my family, friends, and church family, I continued the course.
One of my mentors gave me some great advice: take one day at a time and don’t focus on my fears of my foster kids’ future with me. I trusted God one day at a time as I embraced the pain that my kids were going through. Slowly, attachment developed for us. On November 2, 2018, I officially adopted my two kids as my own. My kids had been in five different foster homes, and my daughter had been in foster care for 76 percent of her life, but now … no more foster care, no more rejection. They have their forever family.
I now facilitate a support group for foster and adoptive parents at Saddleback. At our support group, we help each other learn how to better connect with our foster and adoptive kids, including children who have been traumatized. This ministry is also a great support to me personally. By doing this, I am living my mission of helping to be a mentor and inspire others, as well.
I try to devote my life to my four-part mission. When I am involved in doing these things, I am living an abundant, full, and God-empowered life. I still am growing through this, but my life has indeed been transformed from a self-absorbed, apathetic lifestyle to one that is devoted to living for a cause greater than myself.
Learn more about adoption and foster care at saddleback.com/orphancare
Sign up for the next Class 401 at saddleback.com/class401
