Turning Sorrow into Redemption

After Ann Marie and her husband lost custody of their two sons due to struggles with an ongoing drug addiction, they did everything they could to get clean and bring their boys home. They were able to overcome their addiction temporarily, and the boys were returned. The couple had been attending church and even volunteering. At some point, though, they felt the pull of addiction too strong and let God slip as a priority in their lives. Before they knew it, they had relapsed into the dark hole of addiction again.

Relying on their own strength, they fought hard — but they failed, and the door closed on their formerly happy family of four. The boys were gone for good this time. This disappointment ultimately led to their marriage crumbling, as the husband and wife blamed each other for what happened.

The addiction tore them apart — both in their faith and at home. Unable to resolve their issues, Ann Marie and her husband separated at first. But eventually they divorced.

During this time, Ann Marie began to sink into depression as her pain multiplied deep inside. She had lost her two boys, and now she had lost her husband, too. She was battling mental health issues, addiction, and suicidal thoughts. She didn’t see a point in living because her expectations no longer matched her reality.

Attempting to find a way out of her misery, she turned to reading tarot cards. This left her empty and spiritually drained, yet another disappointment in her life. She also visited several other churches but always felt unwelcome — never fully accepted to come as herself. She eventually did get sober. However, she believed God had turned his back on her because of all the times she’d turned her back on him. Losing hope, she looked for other ways to feel whole again in sobriety.

Gaining his sobriety during this time, Ann Marie’s husband began to open his heart to God. He would come home from work, listen to worship music, and pray. God pressed on his heart to pray for Ann Marie, and so he did.  

One day while Ann Marie was driving, she heard God telling her to return to him. She immediately pulled over and broke down in tears. In that moment, she understood God hadn’t turned his back on her. Even during her chaos, he loved her with an outlandish, radical love. Armed with a resolve to renew her faith, she drove to a Christian bookstore and purchased a few books to help her succeed on this new spiritual journey.

Both Ann Marie and her husband were very cautious about reconciling their fractured relationship. They no longer wanted to cause each other pain after all they went through together. Ann Marie recalls a time when he visited her on Valentine’s Day at work, bringing her flowers and asking if he could cook her dinner. Reluctant, Ann Marie agreed, and the romancing continued from that day forward. Ann Marie and her husband ultimately forgave each other as God orchestrated the unexpected — they fell in love again and began talking about remarriage despite the family’s concerns. Eventually, God restored and reconciled the relationship. They remarried and began attending church at Saddleback every week.

Unfortunately, some old patterns resurfaced, and the two feared they’d made a huge mistake. They were ready to divorce a second time. In desperation, they sought marriage counseling at Saddleback. Ann Marie recalls that some of the hardest sessions were when she and her husband had screaming matches while their therapist poured out love and hope for the two of them.  

“Our therapist would never give up on us,” Ann Marie said, “even after the countless times we gave up on each other.” By the grace of God, and with the help of their Saddleback counselor, the two worked through their fears and learned some communication and coping skills to build a healthier marriage.

Ann Marie learned her human self-destructive habits are no match for the kindness and mercy of God. His love triggered some of her most life-giving experiences. “I remember what I’ve done, but God doesn’t,” Ann Marie said. “God’s love for us isn’t based on what we’ve done but on what he did on that cross.”

They continue to attend Saddleback every week. They are also part of a small group. Ann Marie attends a women’s Bible study while her husband attends a men’s Bible study. They both serve in the jail ministry together, bringing hope, love, and inspiration to those behind bars.

Today, Ann Marie understands that seeking satisfaction in anything other than God’s unconditional love will send her in the wrong direction again. Her brokenness, wounds, and struggles no longer must be hidden — because God’s love redeemed them. They are proof that God heals. “God has used Saddleback as a safe place to heal, discover truth in God’s Word, and grow spiritually in him,” she said.

Learn more about Celebrate Recovery at saddleback.com/celebraterecovery

Learn more about Saddleback's counseling ministry at saddleback.com/counseling

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