Finding a Place to Fit In

Bullied and misunderstood for his entire life, Michael found himself in a place where he’d lost all hope. From an early age, he displayed symptoms at school that concerned his mother. School administrators and teachers were unfamiliar with the kind of behavior he was displaying and didn’t know how to handle him.

Michael’s teachers often pulled him out of class and placed him in a room by himself. He was constantly punished for minor things, and when he missed class time for it, his mom had to spend the evening helping him stay caught up with his schoolwork. Eventually, she realized that Michael needed professional help.

After his mother’s repeated requests to have him evaluated, Michael was finally assessed and diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) in elementary school. He also suffered from depression and anger. As a result of having these conditions, and because special-education services in schools were in the early stages of development, Michael was moved from school to school. He felt alone and believed that no one, except his mother, saw the potential in him.

Michael was constantly bullied by other kids and punished for things he didn’t do. Groups of kids would corner him, pick on him, and beat him up. This treatment continued through junior high and increased in high school. Michael was shy and didn't know how to defend himself, resulting in low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness.

“No one knew the real me. I cried, lost hope,” Michael said. “I felt like I was going to snap.” He felt powerless to do anything to defend or speak up for himself. He had few friends and would often eat his meals alone. He harbored a lot of frustration and anger toward others, and all of these feelings led to thoughts of suicide and revenge.

A few of Michael’s friends invited him to a Christian event, and he reluctantly accepted. That night, Michael would hear a message of hope.

He heard about a God who loved him. He was touched by the message and gave his life to Christ at the end of the service. “Before that day, I had no relationship with God,” Michael said. “I didn’t know what it meant to have God in my heart.”

But even in the midst of discovering this hope, he didn’t know what to do with his mental illness.

A few years ago, Michael was watching Kay Warren speak online about mental illness and finding hope in troubled times. She gave an invitation for anyone to attend the mental health ministry’s monthly meetings.

Attending his first meeting was the best thing he ever did, and participating in the monthly meetings changed his life. Michael finally had a place where he fit in and was understood. He learned that God made him for a purpose.

“With this knowledge I was able to accept my condition and know that no matter what anyone else thinks or says, I have been made acceptable by God,” Michael said.

He keeps coming back each month to the Hope for Mental Health community, encouraged by the relationships he has formed in this safe and accepting place. He believes that God has seen his faithfulness to this ministry, and so he has been able to get his depression under control. The suicidal thoughts have stopped. He understands that God has a purpose for his pain.

“If God created me, then I am good in his eyes, just the way I am,” Michael said. “I want others to know God accepts them the way they are, too. No matter what, God accepts you, even if you don’t accept God. He’s always open to receive you.

“I tell people I come across what it means for God to accept them, even when nobody else does. One of my favorite verses is 1 Timothy 4:4–5, which says: ‘Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks. For we know it is made acceptable by the word of God and prayer.’”

Now, Michael wants to help others who are struggling with mental health by sharing his testimony. He wants to support others who struggle in the same way he has.

In addition to finding support through the mental health ministry, Michael also began attending Celebrate Recovery®(CR). Throughout the CR Step Study process, he worked one-on-one with his sponsor every week to work through his anger and pain.

“Attending the general meetings and step study was liberating and uplifting for me,” Michael said. “I was able to get a better grip on my anger. I’ve also learned some other ways to cope with depression.”

Today, Michael is learning to take life one day at a time, knowing that Jesus loves him unconditionally. His love and the ministries at Saddleback have helped him work through his hurts. He is learning to give them all to God and let him deal with all the problems of his everyday life. He approaches every day with the knowledge that Jesus is his rock and fortress.

Learn more about Hope for Mental Health at saddleback.com/mentalhealth

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