Trusting While Waiting

For years, Monica and Albert rode the turbulent waves of infertility. They never knew if their dreams would weather the twists and turns of dark disappointment and finally find tranquil seas, or if their desires would crash upon the rocks.

“I felt strongly that God was telling me I would be a mother,” Monica said. “My mother even encouraged us by saying, ‘God told me I would be a grandmother.’ Albert and I prayed to maintain our closeness with God and each other. As we kept company with God, we learned in our pain. As difficult as it was, we praised him through it. God knew all the things burdening our hearts. He wanted to meet us in the midst of our anguish. We prayed and praised him for what he was going to do.”

Having children was their life’s desire, but after trying for several years, the couple was told that Monica’s endometriosis made the odds of conceiving very low. She had three surgeries to remove cysts and adhesions, which alleviated Monica’s pain. Each surgery, though, created more scar tissue, making pregnancy even more difficult. 

Their stress levels rose every time they were counseled by doctors to consider a hysterectomy. Monica felt that she would give birth, and so she declined this procedure. The couple also endured numerous rounds of artificial insemination. Yet, every month during her menstrual cycle, Monica would suffer a double dose of pain: intense physical and sharp emotional pain.

Everyone seemed to have advice for the couple. When asked, “When are you two going to start a family?” both Monica and Albert felt a knife puncturing their hearts. Since they both come from large families, they were frequently invited to baby showers. Each party brought an ever-increasing sting of disappointment.

“Why is it so easy for family members and friends to get pregnant? Our barrenness is not how it is supposed to be,” they thought. They would cry out to God, wounded, saddened, and confused, wondering if they’d ever have a baby. They read God’s Word, got down on their hands and knees to pray, and listened constantly to praise music. Despite the pressures of their infertility, with God at the center, their marriage weathered the squalls of each setback.

“Our fears kept telling us that having a child will never happen. We learned instead to hold on to God,” Monica said. “We would pray with each of our hands on my stomach, telling God we’d give him the glory if we gave birth — even if that happened through a doctor’s efforts. Each time we prayed, God gave us the hope needed in order to keep our dreams alive. Prayer is where healing happens, where God’s love pours forth. Through his strength, fear never swept us away. We remembered the stories of barren women in the Bible — Elizabeth, Sarah, and Hannah — and were confident God would find a way for us, also.”

After eight years of trying to get pregnant, Monica’s doctor strongly suggested a hysterectomy. In one final effort, they decided to try in vitro fertilization (IVF). This expensive procedure would stretch the family’s finances. And it would stretch their faith when the doctor informed them they only had a 20 percent chance of getting pregnant. Despite the odds, Monica and Albert agreed to the procedure.

Delicately laying all the drugs and syringes on the dining room table, Monica remembers getting the chills every time she walked past the table, shocked by the overwhelmingly large amount. 

“This is supposed to be a happy time,” she said. “This medication is stripping away my happiness and reminding me of my inadequacies, helplessness and need.” 

They continued the process that had taken them this far — they prayed. As Albert believed, “Prayer is an act of faith that God is love, I am needy, and by turning into God’s love, someday, somehow we will have the child we so desperately wanted.”

Deciding to proceed with the IVF, Monica had her blood tested. A few days later, the nurse called, giving Monica bewildering numerical readings of the results. This only confused her, so she finally asked, “What does this mean?” The nurse finally explained, “You can’t have the IVF because you are already expecting.” Unbelief shocked them. Through tears of joy, they quickly offered up prayers of thanks to God. 

“We felt a holiness in the room — like it was filled with God,” Albert said. “Through our limitations, God showed us his love. Because we stayed close to him, he came close to us giving us something totally unexpected, yet gracious and beautiful.”

They named the baby Gracelyn, because it was by God’s grace she was given to them. Almost two years later, little Mischa, which means “gift from God,” became the fourth member to the family — without any medical intervention. After Mischa’s birth, Monica finally had the suggested hysterectomy.

Their craving for a life cradled by Jesus didn’t stop once their children were born. They developed an even stronger discipline of prayer. Both children were born with hydronephrosis, a kidney condition that requires medical intervention. Additionally, Mischa was diagnosed with a small brain tumor at age 5. 

“We felt God’s faithfulness before and knew we needed to live a life totally dependent on him,” Albert said. “During this time, Shawn and Maddie from the children’s ministry would lay hands on little Mischa, praying for healing. Knowing our church family was praying was extremely comforting. We would even have church members we didn’t know come up to us to tell us they were praying for us. All our prayers were answered when this past December, further testing revealed Mischa no longer had a tumor.”

Monica understands the sting of infertility many married couples endure. “Use God as a crutch. Lean on him. Have faith and don’t give up,” said said. “Make your dreams of having children known, speak life into that dream and have confidence God is going to do it. I want you to know I feel your pain, your hurt, the emptiness you feel inside — but God is so much bigger than our fears! No matter how life hurts you, praise God through the storm, love him, and prepare yourself for his blessings. Nothing is impossible for God.”

Learn more about infertility support at saddleback.com/supportgroups