Restoring a Rocky Marriage

Shana was in her 40s and still waiting for Mr. Right. When a friend set her up on a blind date, she didn’t know what to expect. But when the handsome man walked into the room, she soon found herself right at ease. Danny was kind, easy to talk to, and a great listener. The two began dating and were engaged two years later. An intimate wedding ceremony with close family and friends followed shortly after. Shana believed she’d finally found her happily ever after. The wait had been worth it.

Shana had high hopes for her marriage. She and Danny both shared a strong faith in God. While dating, they began attending Saddleback Church and got baptized together. They fell in love with Pastor Rick’s teaching and got plugged in with a small group. They attended Classes 101, 201, 301 and 401, hoping to get more involved in the church. Shana embarked on mission trips to Argentina, where her faith was stretched even more. 

Three years into the marriage, however, things at home were rocky. Tension grew between Shana and Danny’s two grown children. She began pulling away from him, and she was tempted to move out of the house. They attended a marriage retreat, where Shana hoped her husband would hear how he was supposed to change. But the tension only thickened.

I waited all this time to get married, and this is what I get?Shana thought to herself.I didn’t get married just to get divorced. Is this what it’s come to?

Shana focused on work as a distraction from problems at home. Her job as a flight attendant gave her stretches of time out of the house to think and process. During one work trip, she began sharing her marital woes with a woman she’d met years before and had gone on a PEACE trip with. The woman encouraged Shana, prayed for her, and offered some suggestions to help restore their marriage.

This kind friend offered a compelling suggestion: “Could you do one nice thing for your husband every day for the next 30 days?”

Could I?Shana wondered. She decided she had nothing to lose. For the next 30 days, she began fasting and praying, asking God to work a miracle in her marriage. She also began doing little things for her husband: sending him sweet texts, making him his favorite dinner, and offering other kind gestures. She asked her small group to pray for her, too. Slowly, she began to see a change not just in Danny’s heart, but in her own heart. She felt herself softening as she showed Danny love, and the walls began coming down.

Shana began going the extra mile, making sure Danny knew she loved and cared about him. He began to respond with kind words and encouragement — her love language. She warmed at his words, remembering why she’d fallen in love with him in the first place. She remembered the kindness and sensitivity he’d shown her grandfather during the elderly man’s last days. Danny was still that same kind, sensitive man. The couple had let difficulties and differences make them feel like they’d grown apart. Life’s difficulties had torn their marriage apart, but with God’s help, they felt they could restore it. Shana was sure of it.

The 30-day challenge ended, but it was only the beginning for Shana and Danny. Something powerful had taken place during that time of prayer and fasting. “I was being stubborn and felt like I was right, but God changed my heart,” Shana said. This openness and honesty with one another enabled them to get on a path to healing their marriage.

Today, Shana and Danny attend Saddleback Church Anaheim, where he volunteers on the Security Team and she serves on the volunteer-leadership team for PEACE trips, serving as a liaison for Argentina PEACE teams and Celebrate Recovery. The two enjoy their small group, as well, and Shana has come to rely on the women there for prayer, love, and support.

“Danny always prays for us, for me on my trips — he is so perfect for me,” Shana said of her husband. “As a flight attendant, I work with many young people who are looking for love. I tell them there’s no perfect guy out there. But if you find a guy with a good heart and soul, consider yourself very lucky.”

Shana now knows marriage isn’t about perfection but rather about two imperfect people trying to love each other well while keeping God at the center. She now experiences night and day difference with Danny and his children. They are all one big, united family now. Shana has built trusting, loving relationships with Danny’s children and grandchildren. 

To those struggling with their marriage, she encourages them not to give up and to trust in God’s timing. She also knows there is power in prayer and that God can work miracles in even the most difficult circumstances.

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