As many singles as there are, there isn’t more match-making happening.

11/06/2017 .
Brian Haney  .  Saddleback Singles Leadership Team

FOR THE GUYS - Top 5 Do’s and Don’ts of Dating at Church 

It’s Saturday night, 6pm service and you are surrounded by a bevy of attractive, single, Christian ladies. Thank you, Jesus!

The weird thing though, is that for as many singles as there are, there isn’t more match-making happening. Why is that?

I have observed quite a few reasons why – from both the men and the women. But for the sake of this piece, I’ll focus on what guys can do better, or differently, and hopefully you’ll score that date with the girl you’ve been eyeing from two rows away.


1. DO be friendly . After service, go out on the patio and say hello to as many people as possible. Smile, introduce yourself, make small talk, and join the weekly group dinner after service.

DON’T stand on the sidelines. You have to get out there, be friendly, and meet new people (both guys and girls)! I see way too many guys standing on the side of the action grouped up with a bunch of other dudes in a closed circle. Get out of your “holy huddle” guys.

2DO become a regular.You won’t score a date with your dream girl the first time you meet her. Be present, be around, be a regular, and through a series of short chats and interactions, let her get to know you a bit. THEN, once you’ve build up some rapport, you move things forward. 

DON’T hit and run. I’ve seen way too many dudes cruise the patio for the first time, and then immediately start asking girls for their number or social media info. Then I hear them commiserate with each other that our girls are too “stuck up.” Unless you look like Brad Pitt – you have to put some time in, and it is not realistic to expect every girl to give you her contact info the first time you meet her.

3. DO volunteer.There is absolutely no better way to meet quality women than to participate in a serving opportunity. You are helping further the Gospel, and you will likely be surrounded by ladies. The ratio of women to men is easily 3 to 1 at any given serving event! Even if you don’t meet someone, you will still be growing yourself closer to God and others.

DON’T forget about the referral. Maybe the girl you really like isn’t serving with you. That’s ok. It’s likely that, if she’s a regular, one of her friends may be serving. I guarantee if you start talking more, she’ll ask around about you, and you’ll be known as that friendly, cute guy that serves in the “xyz” ministry. You’ll be building up a good reputation for yourself already in her mind. I’ve also had older women try to fix me up with other younger girls they know, so you never know how or where a connection could be made!

4. DO ask her for her number. So now you’re a regular, friendly dude that serves. You’ve built up some rapport with a nice girl, so the next step is to pop the date question. Repeat after me, “Would it be cool if I called you? I’d love to get to know you better.” Then proceed to call her and make plans to hang out (casually). Leave the fancy dinners for later, Romeo. Think one on one conversation.

DON’T over think it. She may say yes, she may say no, throw it out there and see what happens. The Lord doesn’t have to confirm that this is your future wife, it’s just coffee. And PS – if you ask a girl for her number, CALL. Don’t be that guy that doesn’t -- girls talk, dude.

 5. DO be open minded. I can’t stress this enough -- look outside of your “type.”  There are plenty of Godly, attractive women at Saddleback. Take the time to get to know someone and focus on their inner beauty and strength. Character is what will ultimately determine success in a marriage – not outer beauty. Take a chance, and you may surprise yourself and fall in love with someone that wasn’t your “type” initially! 

DON’T disqualify someone for silly reasons. Guys – I’ve been hearing a LOT of this lately: “Oh, she’s really cool, but I think she may ‘xyz’ a little too much for me”. Don’t be dumb. If she’s cool, serves, has a love for Jesus and kids, and is attractive to you – you can overlook pretty much anything else. Heck, wives have been overlooking our snoring, beer bellies, and stinky feet for ages! 

I can appreciate that if you’ve gotten this far, you may be thinking, “Thanks, Captain Obvious”. But after two years of being in the Singles Ministry, I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve seen utterly fail in these areas.

On a positive note, I will share with you that just this year alone, I can think of three marriages, and at least a dozen new couples who have met through the Singles Ministry. Saddleback is a great place to meet your future Mrs. – just be friendly, get involved, and don’t be afraid to take some chances! God Bless, fellas!