Dating should be a time where you are looking for qualities you would want in a spouse

4 Absolutely Shocking Insights about What Girls Think of Dating in Today’s World!

In today’s day and age women are more independent than they have ever been before. However, their desire to be noticed, valued, and cared for has not changed. With dating apps and social media having a major influence on our society, dating can often times feel overwhelming and intimidating. This new way of dating brings up a lot of questions and perhaps some feelings of distrust and discomfort.

Here are a few questions I have been asked recently about my thoughts on Christian dating when it comes to the new norms of dating today:

1. Q: Is it more normal to meet someone on a dating site or app?

A: Dating apps and sites such as: Christian Mingle, Bumble, eHarmony, Tinder, and Coffee Meets Bagel are rapidly becoming the popular way for many people to connect. The negative stigma of finding a significant other on one of these sites has definitely decreased over the years. More and more people are finding healthy connections by utilizing these applications. However, the thing to consider and be mindful of is what are your intentions when using these different apps? Are you making sure your bio reflects your lifestyle or the lifestyle you want your significant other to have? 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Some of these sites have a bad reputation for being a place to find hookups. While that may be true, I am a firm believer in it is what you make it. If you are looking for a serious, Christ centered relationship you need to make sure that is clear from the beginning. Also, dating apps are not for everyone. If you do not feel comfortable using one, then don’t! There are definitely other amazing ways to meet people. 

2. Q: Is it common/ok to ask someone out via text or social media?

A: I am a woman who believes that a man will go out of his way to ask a girl out if he is really interested. He will make it a priority to let the woman know that he wants to take her out to get to know her more. Since this is the case for me, I personally do not mind if that is over text, social media, or in person. I know how intimidating some women can be (to be honest guys, I am even intimated by some of them!), so if a guy needs to text me to ask me to dinner I am ok with that! I mean we have to be face to face when we eat on our date (girls if he asks you to a FaceTime dinner date…RUN!). Just because it starts on social media, does not mean that is what makes up the entire relationship. Tip: Make sure all of your conversations are not over text, especially in the beginning. If you have been only texting them for weeks and have not seen them in person, you may want to take a step back and create some healthy boundaries. An important truth found in Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” You want to make sure that you do not get too emotionally attached before meeting someone in person.

3. Q: Are the “old fashioned" norms of chivalry and guys paying for dinner, dead?

A: Definitely not! Women, I know you may think at times that there are no good men left, but I am here to tell you to not be discouraged. There are still amazing, Godly men filled with respect and manners who have been raised by strong, phenomenal, God-fearing women. One guy I look up to in this regard is my father. He has been married to my mother for over 27 years and he still opens her (and my) doors. He gives us his jacket when we are cold, pays for our meals/activities, and values our opinions. Who in your life models chivalry and respect of women? It is important for us to remember that when God is at the center of our lives, we care and love for people deeply. The Bible says in Deuteronomy 6:5, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” Once you have this down, it will make respecting and loving others easier. Women should also be thoughtful and considerate, never taking advantage. I also believe that women can totally ask men out on dates too (that means you should pull out your wallets ladies!). Make sure to know what your standards are and to not settle. 

4. Q: What are girls your age seeing and what does the dating scene look like? 

A: To be quite honest, when I look around at the dating scene today I do not like what I see. Both men and women are playing games, being selfish and immature, and not taking people’s feelings seriously. Men, many of you have wildly high expectations of women’s outward beauty. Lack of communication and being unintentional in conversation leaves women feeling insecure and confused. Women, we like to lead guys on because we do not want to hurt their feelings, but end up doing so anyways. Many times we can be vain and shallow. Imagine a world where dating was pressure and stress free. It can definitely be like that! If we live out, Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselfnot looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” we will be able to experience healthy relationships as God intended.

Let’s be men and women who change the way the world dates today! We can use the tools of social media and different dating apps and sites to encourage one another and develop healthy relationships. Choose to be honest, selfless, and thoughtful when dating. Today there are many different ways to meet people. Instead of letting that intimidate us, let’s focus on being intentional in those relationships!