Hope Through Mentoring

Thick chains of loneliness kept Roquel Tamez’s heart yearning for community. Working in the mission field in Puebla, Mexico, she also felt inadequate, broken and defeated. The fear of not being enough froze her heart and while Roquel wanted to share the love of God that knows no limits, she also longed for home, for America. Even though Roquel volunteered in a school for missionary kids and the Spanish community, she gravitated towards the English speakers, craving that small reminder of home.

Where you doubt yourself the most, that’s often where God meets you with a miracle. Before leaving America, a friend of a friend had given her sister’s contact information to Roquel, since the sister also lived in Puebla. For eight months, Roquel resisted calling. It would be an awkward call – introducing herself to the sister of someone she didn’t know well. But finally, she connected with the sister, Denise, who invited Roquel to an English-speaking women’s retreat.

“God met me right where I didn’t believe in myself,” explains Roquel. “I formed life-changing relationships with the leaders at that retreat. They acknowledged strengths in me I didn’t see in myself. More importantly, they loved me right where I was at. With candor, they spoke into my life – not solely encouragement, but also some truths I honestly didn’t want to hear. I’d never had anyone pour into me and I felt so loved, I could be transparent. I could truly be myself.”

They also encouraged Roquel to develop her talents. At the next retreat, she was asked to be a breakout session speaker. “I’d never spoken in front of women before, but as frightened as I was, I accepted their invitation. I learned more from that experience than anyone who took my session. I learned God’s love doesn’t want us to be alone. We are saved from our loneliness in the community of other believers. The love of these women pierced through the chains holding me back and God began to unleash me.”

“That wasn’t easy given my upbringing. My parents struggled with their own pain by sweeping it under the rug. They didn’t communicate the depth of their anguish. I never received guidance from them.” Her new friends spoke wisdom into her past and gave Roquel a life-long lesson on mentoring: encouragement, daily conversations, strength, acceptance and developing a growing dependence on God. “Filled with a confidence I never felt before, I began to take on leadership roles for this community of women.”

When Roquel and her family returned to Orange County, Roquel wanted to jump into Women’s Ministry immediately. She felt a prompting from God, saying, “Not now, Roquel. We need to clean house.” This was easy to understand – her marriage was struggling plus financial issues loomed. Roquel went into counseling and was encouraged to overcome co-dependency issues by joining Celebrate Recovery’s 12-step program. The 15 months spent in the program completely changed Roquel’s life. Her broken and bruised heart began to heal and Roquel was anxious to bring that restoration to others.

It was not to be. In July 2014, Roquel was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer, which effectively put a halt to leadership. But because of the love of her friends in Mexico and her courageous work in CR, Roquel never asked, “Why me?” She placed her trust in the Bringer of all Hope, asking instead, “You have a plan for me, God. I trust you. What do you want me to do with this?”

For one and a half years, Roquel struggled through chemo, radiation, a double mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. The pain gave her a platform to bless others through cancer. “I learned how to handle my fears and I wanted to share that with other women. But how? In 2015, I decided to lead a table at the Thursday morning Women’s Bible study.”

There Roquel learned Women’s Ministry was starting a mentoring ministry. As the speaker shared more information, she also felt the Holy Spirit telling her, “This is it! You can make an impact on the lives of so many women by using all your life experiences. You are ready.” Roquel met with Beth Schwartz, Director of Women’s Communities, and shared her story. Shortly afterwards, she was invited to the first meeting to discuss mentorship. Seeing her enthusiasm, Beth asked Roquel to lead the program. “My desire was to give Saddleback women the same acceptance, love and encouragement I had been given. Over the past year, the Mentorship Team has developed an introductory training to teach mentors how to equip others in their walk with Christ no matter what season of life the mentee may be in.”

A mentor isn’t someone who has all the answers – she is just a couple of steps ahead on her Christian experience. She is a woman willing to listen, give support and put Christ in the center of the relationship. “So many women feel minimized since no one is speaking into their lives. No one has helped them deal with their brokenness and love them wholeheartedly. No one created an environment safe enough to ask ‘Who is the woman God created you to be?’ then helped them answer that question.”

A mentee is a woman not in crisis mode, but who is seeking to grow spiritually mature. “Their goal is to grow and become more Christ-like. The mentoring relationship is safe and comfortable, but also one that has accountability. There is great joy when genuinely walking with Jesus, despite the struggle of being stretched. Only when someone comes alongside us and says, ‘Look ahead, past your doubts and insecurities,’ can we see the great, sustained and substantial joy God desires to be part of our lives.”

Both mentor and mentee decide how the relationship will develop. Because of this organic focus, the ministry has already seen some success. If you are looking to find friendship, acceptance and guidance or can give that to another woman, please email Roquel at roomatthetable@saddleback.com.

Have a mentor. Be a mentor.

Images by Alyson Rabago, Saddleback Women Volunteer.