Trusting God With Your Parenting

Growing up with a father who suffered over 9 years with a terminal illness left its imprint on Jennifer. “Life was a constant state of unknown for me. Would my mom be there after school to pick me up or would she have to race my dad to the hospital that day? I never knew what might happen from day to day.” Needless to say the constant unpredictability created an apprehensive spirit Jennifer carried into her adult life. As a way to cope, she became a Planner - organizing and structuring life to counter the inner anxiety that reared their ugly head when life felt out of control. Despite the chaos, Jennifer’s parents modeled a consistent faith and trust that even in the unknown, God provides and is faithful.

When Jennifer’s son, Kyle, was born she structured a schedule for him as well. “God uses our children to refine and grow us. The terrible 2’s was an understatement! It was more like the 1 ½ to 4’s!” Jennifer and her husband, Tom, ended up in a counselor’s office trying to learn how to parent a high-energy and opinionated boy.

“This was the first of many steps where God gently pried open the death grip I had on Kyle and later, my daughter, Lauren. After experiencing so much childhood trauma and loss, fear cemented my soul and it played out in my ideas of protective parenting.” Through personal counseling, Jennifer learned God could soothe her pain and heal her wounds. Trying to control her world and family was her attempt to manage her pain without God. “The way I parented changed significantly at that point.”

In 2001, Jennifer’s husband Tom, who has a mild heart condition, suffered an arrhythmia that resulted in a head first collapse. The fall caused a traumatic brain injury. For three weeks, Tom was in an induced coma to decrease brain swelling. Jennifer spent those weeks and many others at his bedside while he recovered. “That meant entrusting 7 year old, Lauren, and 10 year old, Kyle, to others, mostly family members and close friends. I was unable during that season to provide what my children needed.”

Tom’s recovery process took two long years. Since traumatic brain injuries can often dramatically change the patient’s personality, Jennifer did not know if the husband she knew and loved would emerge after recovery. “I prayed, I cried, I begged God for wisdom. To say I was confused during this time would be an understatement. I was worried about Tom, but I also felt guilty about not being able to invest in Lauren and Kyle’s lives the way I wanted to – the way I used to. But I learned during those days that leaning in hard to God, trusting Him with my children was far better than anything I could have tried to do myself.”

Difficult experiences, like this, make us dig deeply into ourselves, finding the strength in God we didn’t know was possible. Jennifer learned she must be willing to keep her hands open, to freely let go of things God calls her to release and accept all He has to give. “No matter the difficulty, nothing is outside of God’s control, including the care of our children. I couldn’t tell you all the wonderful things people did for me and Tom and the kids while he was ill. But the experience seared some profound truths into my heart.”

1.) Stay connected to God every single day. “Every part of my life is affected by how close I am to God. I see my selfishness grow when I’m not spending time with him and reading his word. I don’t get the benefit of his wisdom, pointing out the right path for me.”

2.) Recognize who God is. “I am not in control; He is. To help me obey Him, I often remind myself of the names of God: Jehovah-M’Kaddesh, the God who sanctifies; Jehovah-jireh, the God who provides; Jehovah-Shalom, the God of peace; Jehovah-rophe, the God who heals; El Shaddai, Lord, God Almighty. Praying through the names of God reveal his character to me and as I move through difficulties, his integrity and love draw me closer to Him and help me never lose sight of hope.”

3.) Community is priceless. “When I was so heartbroken it was almost impossible to care for myself, much less Tom, Kyle and Lauren, there were so many folks who stepped in to help. They cleaned my house, took my children to school, sat with me at the hospital. There is no way I could have made it through without community. Plus, we all need people in our lives who speak the truth when we can’t see it. When the battles are tough, God’s people love the hardest. Community is priceless.”

Jennifer was in private practice counseling for years. In that role, she helped set up a counseling ministry at her last church. This meant interacting heavily with the Saddleback Counseling Ministry. Impressed with Jennifer’s compassion, dedication and expertise, Saddleback offered her a position facilitating their ministry. “This offer was a huge leap of faith. It came out of nowhere. It wasn’t even on my radar screen. But I took it before the Lord and sensed a clear pathway to take the position.”

The Saddleback Counseling Ministry is free to anyone, not just Saddleback members. Volunteers use a Biblical Counseling Model to walk through and support hurting people with the hope of Christ. The Counseling Center’s focus is on God’s power to transform a life. “It is our desire to extend Rick Warren’s vision for Saddleback to be a place where the hurting could come and receive help and hope. It has been an extraordinary blessing to see God use ordinary men and women from our church, who willingly invested their time for extensive training to positively impact the lives of those desiring counseling.”

If you are in need of support, or desire to learn how you might become a church counselor, please call the ministry offices and they will be happy to provide you with details.

“The Bible says ‘love is patient.’ Patience is a willingness to put aside your own plans for another, to lay aside your own goals to serve. I see this as the work of a mother. She experiences an astounding and uncharacteristic joy in letting go of control to expand the joy of her children.”