When I Feel Offended I Turn To God

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The betrayal ran deep. They had shared 3 years of the closest friendship imaginable as they travelled and ministered and learned together. Judas had been one of their own, one of the trusted disciples in the small circle of 12 that Jesus had called. Judas didn’t just betray Jesus when he turned Jesus in; Judas broke trust with all of the disciples.

The offense of Judas was one of the first great challenges the disciples had to face. Would this hurt deter them from the mission that Jesus had left them with? Would they be able to move on from the hurt, or would they let it consume them?

As the Book of Acts opens, the disciples must address this betrayal and offense of Judas. The stakes were high, for if they did not handle this first challenge well they would compromise the spread of the gospel. Good news can hardly be spread by hurt and angry disciples!

And how they do so is an example to all of us of what to do when we are hurt, offended, or betrayed. (Want to dig deeper? You can find this story in Acts 1:15-26.)

First, they acknowledged the offense. Peter gathered the believers together to talk about what happened.

Next, they examined and tried to learn from what happened. Peter turned to Scripture to show how what Judas did had long been predicted, and was even necessary for the unfolding plans of God.

Finally, they move forward with their mission: The disciples appointed Matthias to replace Judas so they could continue to witness about the resurrection of Jesus.

Can you imagine how the world would be different if the disciples decided to stay offended by the betrayal of Jesus? Thankfully, they knew the Scriptures and the teachings of Jesus well enough to know that they had to let go of the hurt and move forward with the life God had called them to. In fact, there might even have been some key passages from the Old Testament that they had in the back of their mind as they processed their hurt:

A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense

-Proverbs 19:11 NIV

Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.

-Proverbs 12:16 NIV

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

-Leviticus 19:17-18 NIV

Instead of staying offended, the wisdom of God beckons us to learn from and let go of our hurts, for the weight of being offended is too heavy to bear.

Jesus is calling us to a better way. A way that sees the wisdom in forgiveness. A way that looks for peace rather than strife. A way that knows God has forgiven my offenses so that I might forgive the offenses of others.

Before going any further, it’s important to note that there are things that are truly offensive, and there are things that are truly hurtful. Perhaps the best goal is not to say “I will never be offended,” but rather, “I will never STAY offended.”

Practically speaking, offenses, hurts and betrayals are sure to come. However, what we choose to do when we find ourselves offended is what we can productively focus on. When offended, we can choose to either dwell on the offense, or to take that hurt to God and exchange it for his peace.

Based on the example of the disciples, here is a simple process of how to turn to God when we feel offended.

Slow down. When you are hurt or offended, there is a rush of strong emotions that essentially overtakes your ability to think clearly. The first step is to take a deep breath, pray and invite the Holy Spirit to comfort you, and let yourself cry it out, go for a walk, call a trusted friend, or do something to help you come down from the emotional rush. Feelings are meant to be felt, but not all of them are meant to be dwelt in. If you feel offended, don’t dwell there. Clear your head so that you can productively move through the emotion, with the hope of being able to soon move on from it. When you are ready, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you work your way through your feelings. Don’t repress your feelings, and don’t let your feelings overtake you – take your feelings to God and let Him transform them!

Acknowledge the offense. You don’t have to pretend nothing ever happened. In fact, getting specific about what was hurtful is helpful because when something is definable it becomes manageable.

Examine and learn from what happened. As you peel back the layers of your hurt, one of two things might happen. Either you might realize the offense was not actually as big of a deal as your initial reaction, or you will pinpoint where the offense lay and then be able to specifically address it. Generalities are not helpful here. Name it, see if you can figure out why it was specifically so hurtful, and then you can invite God into that specific wound in your heart to begin a healing process. Ask God if you have put your worth or your identity in something other than Him, for the places in your heart that are the least secure in Christ will be the places that are most susceptible to offense. The offense might even have been to your pride or your vanity, in which case you have an opportunity to repent.

Move forward with your life. Refuse to let your hurt feelings rule your life. Instead, let the peace of Christ rule in your heart as you pursue the life that Paul talks about in Colossians 3: 13-15 (NLT):

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Learning to work through difficult emotions takes time and practice. This week, start by paying attention. Do you often feel offended? What do you let get under your skin? All of this is an opportunity to invite God in, turn our hearts to Him, and order our lives according to His ways.

The more you practice quickly letting go of your feelings of offense, and the more you flex your forgiveness muscles, the more difficult it will be for you to be offended. Not because you become impenetrable, but because you quickly begin to understand that no one is perfect and carrying the weight of being offended hurts you more than anyone else.

Dear God,

May the peace of Christ rule in my heart. When I feel offended, help me remember my worth and my identity are secure in your hands, and nothing on earth has the power to diminish what You have declared to be true about me. Help me be quick to forgive, even as you have been quick to forgive me. Amen.

Follow along with us on Instagram and Facebook this week as we continue the conversation this week on Turning to God When I Feel Offended. And be sure to look for another email coming next week talking about another difficult emotion we all struggle with – Turning to God When I Feel Afraid.

Love,

Saddleback Women

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