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A Faith That De-Escalates Conflict

Rick Warren | June 21, 2020

Conflict is inevitable. Whether it’s with your spouse, kids, friends, or co-workers, you will always eventually find yourself in conflict with the other person. That’s why one of the most important life skills you can learn is how to de-escalate a conflict. In this message, Pastor Rick Warren continues our study through the Book of James by providing 10 biblical steps for defusing a conflict.

Message Action Plan

Three Essential Questions
After watching the message take some time reflect on the following three questions.

  • What did you hear? What point in this message was most impactful for you?
  • What do you think? How did this message challenge, change, or affirm your thinking?
  • What will you do? How will you put into practice what you've learned today?

Those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and they will reap a harvest of goodness.
James 3:18 (NLT)

10 BIBLICAL STEPS FOR DEFUSING A TENSE SITUATION

1. LOWER MY VOICE

A gentle response will calm a person's anger, but harsh words stir up intense fury. Proverbs 15: 1

  • The more I raise my voice, the more I lower my intelligence.
  • Mirror Brain Neurons: I'll get back whatever I give out.

The quiet words of a wise person are more effective than the shouting of a leader of fools.    Ecclesiastes 9:17 (NIV)

2.   BREATHE & SLOW DOWN THE PACE OF SPEAKING

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but by biding his time, the wise man calms it down. Proverbs 29:11 (NAB)

People with hot tempers start fights and cause trouble, but a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace. Proverbs 15:18 (MES/NCV)

If a ruler (or anyone else) loses his temper against you, don't panic! A calm disposition quiets intemperate rage.     Ecclesiastes 10:4 (MES)

3.   LISTEN MORE THAN I TALK

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 (NLT)

Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other's counsel. Proverbs 13:10 (MES)

4.   LISTEN FOR THE HURT BEHIND THE WORDS

Each heart knows its own bitterness . . .Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)

5.   PRAY WHILE I AM LISTENING

Gideon built an altar for worshiping the Lord and he called it "The Lord Calms Our Fears." Judges 6:24 (CEV)

God stills the raging oceans, quiets the noise of roaring waves, and calms the uproar of the peoples. Psalm 65:7

ACTION PLAN:Learn to incorporate listening for the hurt behind the words and praying while listening, by focusing on the speaker's unexpressed hurts and by praying quick two or three word prayers during conversations which have become tense, knowing that God wants to still the raging oceans, quiet the noise of the roaring waves and calm the uproar of his people.

6.   SEEK TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE SEEKING TO BE UNDERSTOOD

A person who answers without listening is foolish and disgraceful.
Proverbs 18:13 (ICB)

7.   TRY TO SEE THEIR PERSPECTIVE

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:4-5 (NIV)

8.   ASK GOD TO GIVE ME A CLEAR PICTURE OF MYSELF

Search me, O God and examine my heart; test me and know my nervous thoughts. Point out anything in me that is wrong. Then lead me on the path that is always right. Psalm 139:23-24

ACTION PLAN:During your quiet time this week, memorize Psalm 139:23-24 to be used as a prayer when you are in the middle of a conflict. Ask God for power to change anything that he points out about yourself, and eyes to see the path he wants you to follow.

9.   ADMIT ANY PART OF THE CONFLICT THAT I CAUSED

Jesus: "Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend's eye."  Matthew 7:3, 5 (NCV)

10. CHOOSE MY WORDS CAREFULLY

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)

Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed.  Ephesians 4:29 (TEV)

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God!Matthew 5:9 (NIV)

OUR RESPONSE

  • We recommit our lives to Jesus. (Prayer) If you did this for the first time,text NEWSTART (1 word) to 83000 or email newstart@saddleback.com.
  • We express our gratitude to God for his goodness by giving back to him. Give online at https://saddleback.com/give. Your generosity is feeding tens of thousands of out-of-work families during Covid-19.

Every Service Action Steps
We recommit our lives to Jesus Christ. Text NEWSTART (1 word) to 83000 or email newstart@saddleback.com

We express our gratitude to God for his goodness by giving back to him.
Your generosity online is feeding tens of thousands of out-of-work families
and serving many other needs. Give at Saddleback.com/give

To sign up for our daily Saddleback@Home newsletter, go to saddleback.com/newsletter

To take your next purpose driven growth class online, Class 101, 201, 301 or 401, text SBCLASS to 83000 or email class@saddleback.com

Listen to our podcasts "Doable Discipleship" and "The Well" from our Saddleback Growth team at Saddleback.com/learn

More from this series

More from this series

A Faith That Works When Life Doesn’t
March 15 - November 8, 2020