Turn on your cookies for the best browsing experience.

This site uses cookies to store information on your computer.

These cookies are essential to make our site work. We use cookies for a variety of reasons, including giving and content preferences.

Instructions to turn on your browser cookies:

https://www.whatismybrowser.com/guides/how-to-enable-cookies/auto

Sign In

Sign in for a personalized experience.

Connect
Grow
Serve
Care
Watch
Give
    I'm New Care Grow Serve Watch Give
  • Locations

    • USA
    • Anaheim, CA
    • Brea, CA
    • Eastvale, CA
    • En Español, CA
    • Irvine North, CA
    • Irvine South, CA
    • Laguna Woods, CA
    • Lake Forest, CA
    • Los Angeles, CA
    • Newport Mesa, CA
    • Rancho Capistrano, CA
    • San Clemente, CA
    • San Diego, CA
    • South Bay, CA
    • Extensions
    •  
    • International
    • Berlin, Germany
    • Buenos Aires, Argentina
    • Hong Kong, China
    • Santa Rosa, Philippines
    • Extensions
    •  
    • Venues
    • Lake Forest Chinese Community
    •  
    • Online
    • Community
    • Adult Service
    • Students Service
    • Kids Service
    • Get Directions
    Get Directions
  • About

    • Connect
    • New Start with God
    • About Jesus
    • Our Leadership
    • Beliefs and Values
    • Discover Your Purpose
    • Home@Saddleback
    • Career Opportunities
    • Internships
    • Contact
  • Care

    • Explore
    • Counseling
    • Support Groups
    • Celebrate Recovery
    • PEACE Center
    • Hospital Visitation
    • Career Coaching
    • Mental Health
    • Personal Finances
    • Prayer
  • Events

    • All Events
    • Baptism
    • Discover 1-4
    • Celebrate Recovery
    • Adult Trainings
    • Care & Support
    • Kids & Parents
    • National & Global
    • Local Community
    • Sports & Physical Health
    • Special Events
  • Watch

    • All Media
    • Adult Service
    • Students Service
    • Kids Service
    • Current Series
    • Small Group Studies
    • DriveTime Devotionals
    • Campus Photos
    • Apps
    • Podcasts
  • Small Groups

    • Explore
    • Find a Group
    • Start a Group
    • Study Materials
    • Manage My Groups
  • Grow

    • Explore
    • Discover Your Purpose
    • Foundations
    • Message Resources
    • Retreat Ministry
    • Recommended Books
    • Podcasts
  • Serve

    • All Opportunities
    • Serve in the Church
    • Serve at an Event
    • Serve the Community
  • Ministries

    • All Ministries
    • Ministry Quiz
    • Men
    • Women
    • Singles
    • Marriages
    • Parents
    • College
    • High School
    • Jr. High
    • Children
    • Workplace
  • Mission

    • Explore
    • Get Inspired
    • Get Involved
    • Get Equipped
    • PEACE Center
    • Relief
    • Grocery Distribution
    • Food Pantry
  • Give

    • Tithe
    • Beyond the Tithe
    • 2021 Annual Review

My home campus

Select a Campus
View All Locations×
      • Home
      • >
      • Connect
      • >
      • Articles
      • >
      • Message Resources
      • >
      • Conflict

      Resource Details

      A Faith That De-Escalates Conflict

      Rick Warren | June 21, 2020

      Conflict is inevitable. Whether it’s with your spouse, kids, friends, or co-workers, you will always eventually find yourself in conflict with the other person. That’s why one of the most important life skills you can learn is how to de-escalate a conflict. In this message, Pastor Rick Warren continues our study through the Book of James by providing 10 biblical steps for defusing a conflict.

      Message Action Plan

      Message Action Plan

      Three Essential Questions
      After watching the message take some time reflect on the following three questions.

      • What did you hear? What point in this message was most impactful for you?
      • What do you think? How did this message challenge, change, or affirm your thinking?
      • What will you do? How will you put into practice what you've learned today?

      Those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and they will reap a harvest of goodness.
      James 3:18 (NLT)

      10 BIBLICAL STEPS FOR DEFUSING A TENSE SITUATION

      1. LOWER MY VOICE

      A gentle response will calm a person's anger, but harsh words stir up intense fury. Proverbs 15: 1

      • The more I raise my voice, the more I lower my intelligence.
      • Mirror Brain Neurons: I'll get back whatever I give out.

      The quiet words of a wise person are more effective than the shouting of a leader of fools.    Ecclesiastes 9:17 (NIV)

      2.   BREATHE & SLOW DOWN THE PACE OF SPEAKING

      A fool gives full vent to his anger, but by biding his time, the wise man calms it down. Proverbs 29:11 (NAB)

      People with hot tempers start fights and cause trouble, but a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace. Proverbs 15:18 (MES/NCV)

      If a ruler (or anyone else) loses his temper against you, don't panic! A calm disposition quiets intemperate rage.     Ecclesiastes 10:4 (MES)

      3.   LISTEN MORE THAN I TALK

      Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 (NLT)

      Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other's counsel. Proverbs 13:10 (MES)

      4.   LISTEN FOR THE HURT BEHIND THE WORDS

      Each heart knows its own bitterness . . .Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)

      5.   PRAY WHILE I AM LISTENING

      Gideon built an altar for worshiping the Lord and he called it "The Lord Calms Our Fears." Judges 6:24 (CEV)

      God stills the raging oceans, quiets the noise of roaring waves, and calms the uproar of the peoples. Psalm 65:7

      ACTION PLAN:Learn to incorporate listening for the hurt behind the words and praying while listening, by focusing on the speaker's unexpressed hurts and by praying quick two or three word prayers during conversations which have become tense, knowing that God wants to still the raging oceans, quiet the noise of the roaring waves and calm the uproar of his people.

      6.   SEEK TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE SEEKING TO BE UNDERSTOOD

      A person who answers without listening is foolish and disgraceful.
      Proverbs 18:13 (ICB)

      7.   TRY TO SEE THEIR PERSPECTIVE

      Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:4-5 (NIV)

      8.   ASK GOD TO GIVE ME A CLEAR PICTURE OF MYSELF

      Search me, O God and examine my heart; test me and know my nervous thoughts. Point out anything in me that is wrong. Then lead me on the path that is always right. Psalm 139:23-24

      ACTION PLAN:During your quiet time this week, memorize Psalm 139:23-24 to be used as a prayer when you are in the middle of a conflict. Ask God for power to change anything that he points out about yourself, and eyes to see the path he wants you to follow.

      9.   ADMIT ANY PART OF THE CONFLICT THAT I CAUSED

      Jesus: "Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend's eye."  Matthew 7:3, 5 (NCV)

      10. CHOOSE MY WORDS CAREFULLY

      Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)

      Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed.  Ephesians 4:29 (TEV)

      Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God!Matthew 5:9 (NIV)

      OUR RESPONSE

      • We recommit our lives to Jesus. (Prayer) If you did this for the first time,text NEWSTART (1 word) to 83000 or email newstart@saddleback.com.
      • We express our gratitude to God for his goodness by giving back to him. Give online at https://saddleback.com/give. Your generosity is feeding tens of thousands of out-of-work families during Covid-19.

      Every Service Action Steps
      We recommit our lives to Jesus Christ. Text NEWSTART (1 word) to 83000 or email newstart@saddleback.com

      We express our gratitude to God for his goodness by giving back to him.
      Your generosity online is feeding tens of thousands of out-of-work families
      and serving many other needs. Give at Saddleback.com/give

      To sign up for our daily Saddleback@Home newsletter, go to saddleback.com/newsletter

      To take your next purpose driven growth class online, Class 101, 201, 301 or 401, text SBCLASS to 83000 or email class@saddleback.com

      Listen to our podcasts "Doable Discipleship" and "The Well" from our Saddleback Growth team at Saddleback.com/learn

      More from this series

      More from this series

      A Faith That Works When Life Doesn’t
      March 15 - November 8, 2020
      • When Your Plan Doesn’t Match God’s Plan
        November 8, 2020
      • Having The Mind Of Christ During An Election
        November 1, 2020
      • A Faith That Can Heal Illnesses
        October 25, 2020
      • A Faith That Can Transform Weaknesses
        October 18, 2020
      • A Faith Known For Integrity
        October 11, 2020
      • A Faith That Helps Me See The Truth
        October 4, 2020
      • A Faith That Handles Wealth Wisely
        September 27, 2020
      • A Faith That Doesn’t Need To Hoard
        September 20, 2020
      • A Faith That Knows The End Of The Story
        September 13, 2020
      • A Faith That Passes The Tests Of Life
        September 6, 2020
      • A Faith That Doesn't Hold On To Hurt
        August 30, 2020
      • A Faith That Reduces Quarreling
        August 23, 2020
      • A Faith for Facing an Uncertain Future
        August 16, 2020
      • A Faith That Keeps Me From Playing God In The Lives Of Others
        August 9, 2020
      • A Faith That Keeps Me Hopeful
        August 2, 2020
      • A Faith That Makes Me More Merciful & Less Judgmental
        July 26, 2020
      • A Faith That Helps Me Filter What I Say
        July 19, 2020
      • A Faith That Handles Delays Patiently
        June 27, 2020
      • A Faith That De-Escalates Conflict
        June 21, 2020
      • A Faith That Plants Seeds Of Peace
        June 7, 2020
      • Real Faith Versus Fake Faith
        May 31, 2020
      • A Faith That Loves My Neighbor As Myself
        May 24, 2020
      • A Faith That Leads To Emotional Health: Part 2
        May 10, 2020
      • A Faith That Leads To Emotional Health: Part 1
        May 3, 2020
      • A Faith That Anchors Me In Storms
        April 19, 2020
      • A Faith That Counters My Bad Habits
        April 5, 2020
      • A Faith That Makes Tough Choices Easier
        March 29, 2020
      • A Faith That Isn’t Troubled by Troubles
        March 22, 2020
      • A Faith That Walks Through the Valley of Virus
        March 15, 2020
      Back To Top

      *Message & data rates may apply. Message frequency varies. Reply STOP to stop, HELP for help.Terms | Privacy Policy

      • sign in
      • contact us
      • privacy policy
      • career opportunities
      • internships
      • mobile app

      *Message & data rates may apply. Message frequency varies. Reply STOP to stop, HELP for help.Terms | Privacy Policy

      © 2023 Saddleback Valley Community Church