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Three Essential Questions
After watching the message take some time reflect on the following three questions.

1. What did you hear? What point in this message was most impactful for you?
2. What do you think? How did this message challenge, change, or affirm your thinking?
3. What will you do? How will you put into practice what you've learned today?

Quarrel – "A heated argument, typically about a trivial issue, between people who are usually on good terms."

"What causes quarrels and arguments with each other? They come from the conflicting selfish desires that are always fighting inside you. You want things you don't have so you're ready to kill to get them! And you covet what others have but you can't get it, so you quarrel and get in fights. But you don't have, because you don't ask God for it. And if you ask, you don't receive it because you ask with the wrong motivation – you only want what gives you pleasure. You cheat on God when you have an affair with what the world values. To love what the world loves is to hate God and to be the enemy of God! This is what the Scripture means when it says that God's Spirit who lives inside us is intensely jealous. He wants our exclusive love. That's why he gives us so much grace! As Scripture says, 'God opposes the prideful but gives his grace to the humble.' So, give yourselves completely to God! Then resist the devil, and he'll flee from you. If you draw close to God, he will draw close to you. Wash your hands of your sins, and purify your heart of your double-minded living. Be sad and sorry and grieve over your actions. Stop laughing at your sin and get serious about it. If you humble yourself before the Lord, he will lift you up!"  James 4:1-10

WHAT CAUSES QUARRELS?

CONFLICTING DESIRES INSIDE ME

"What causes quarrels and arguments with each other? They come from the conflicting selfish desires that are always fighting inside you."   James 4:1

"Our sinful desires want what is opposite of God's Spirit, and God's Spirit wants what is contrary to our sinful desires. So the two are constantly fighting each other, so you cannot just do whatever you please."   Gal. 5:17

Action Plan:  Write down the quarrels you may have ongoing today or those that you've had in the past.

WHAT WILL HELP ME QUARREL LESS?

1.  REALIZE HOW DESTRUCTIVE QUARRELING IS

"Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your  lives!"        Eph. 4:31b (LB)

Quarreling is a Mark of Immaturity:

"You are still only baby Christians, controlled by your own desires, not God's.When you are jealous and divide into quarreling groups, doesn't that proveyou are still babies, wanting your own way? In fact, you are acting like peoplewho don't belong to the Lord at all!"   1 Cor. 3:3 (LB)

"The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally havenothing worthwhile left."          Prov. 11:29 (LB)

Action Plan:  By each of the quarrels you wrote down, note how destructive each was to your relationship with the other person, but also yourself.  Share with your small group or a trusted friend, they may help you see something you can't.

2.  DECIDE I WANT TO CHANGE & ASK FORGIVENESS

"Wash your hands of your sins, and purify your heart of your double-minded
 living. Be sad and sorry and grieve over your actions. Stop laughing at your 
 sin and get serious about it."    James 4:8b-9

Action Plan:  By each of the quarrels, write down your commitment to change.  If you asked the other person for forgiveness, write down how they responded and how you felt.  Share your experience with a friend.

3.  STOP EXPECTING OTHER PEOPLE TO FULFILLNEEDS IN MY LIFE THAT ONLY GOD CAN FULFILL

" You don't have, because you don't ask God for it. And if you ask, youdon't receive it because you ask with the wrong motivation . . ."  James 4:2b-3

 "You cheat on God when you have an affair with what the world values. To
 love what the world loves is to hate God and to be the enemy of God! This is
 what the Scripture means when it says that God's Spirit who lives inside us is
 intensely jealous. He wants our faithful love. That's why he gives us so much
 grace!"       James 4:4-6a

4.  CHOOSE HUMILITY OVER PRIDEFUL ANGER

"Pride only leads to quarrels."  Prov. 13:10

"As Scripture says, 'God opposes the prideful but gives his grace tothe humble.' So, give yourselves completely to God!"    James 4:6b-7 

"If you humble yourself before the Lord, he will lift you up!"  James 4:10

Action Plan:  Challenge yourself to turn each of your quarrels into acts of humility.  Rewrite each one into words of humility and share with your small group or a trusted friend.

5.  RECOGNIZE THE SOURCE BEHIND HURTFUL WORDS

"Anger gives a mighty foothold to the devil."   Eph. 4:27 (NLT)

"Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."  James 4:7b (NLT)

"We are very aware of Satan's schemes so that he doesn't outwit us."        2 Cor. 2:11
   
"Get rid of all bitterness and angry rage. Never shout harsh words, insults, cursing, or any other type of rude or hurtful talk."    Eph. 4:31

Action Plan:  For each of the quarrels, are you able to identify the root cause of your personal reason for quarreling?  Write down what you believe is the deep reason for quarreling (i.e. pride, insecurity, jealous, envy,…)

6.  TALK TO GOD SILENTLY DURING A QUARREL

 "If you draw close to God, he will draw close to you."    James 4:8a

7.  INVITE JESUS TO MANAGE MY THOUGHTS & WORDS 

"Let the peace that Christ gives control your thinking, because asmembers of Christ's body, you are called to live in peace."     Col. 3:15

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